And while that was exceedingly frightening, it was equally as thrilling. All I’d ever wanted for myself was to make music that connected with people. WithDiamondsabout to come out, I was one step closer to connecting with even more people, more people thanDreamshad ever come close to.
Now that people were learning about who Alistair Finn was, it was getting a lot scarier to peruse the street without getting bombarded by fans. I loved interacting with fans, especially online, but I was still coming to terms with the IRL ones. Some people were a little…spirited when they met someone who’s music they had connected with. Sometimes that meant they forgot that the person behind the music was just that, a person. I wasn’t a demigod set on this earth with the blessing of a deity. It was becoming a really weird adjustment to being demanded to take pictures with fans, being groped and pulled into hugs that I hadn’t been prepared for. I wasn’t a God, I was just Alistair.
My thoughts soured toward my childhood, toward the hell I’d been able to escape. Phoebe, North Carolina was a beautiful place, filled with spooky decor and horror tributes. But the true horror had been finding the strength to grow up in the Finneson household and meander my way out of it. The sounds of broken beer bottles resounded off the barriers of my mind, the memories pouring in easier than the alcohol had splattered over the floors of my childhood home.
I pushed them away. I didn’t need those memories. Certainly not tonight, when I was shifting my life in a better direction.Dreamsbeing picked up by TikTok was a blessing. I was finally making money off of my album now, and my new album had the chance to mirror that same success. The last thing I wanted was for my past to come barging in and distract me from the good things happening right in front of me.
Needing a different kind of distraction, I leapt up from the bed and waltzed toward the adjoining bathroom. A shower would help calm my nerves. So much to do, so much to do.
Later, I told myself. Right now, I needed to calm down and wait to see what my fans thought of the album.
Chapter 2
I was standingon the cliff, the same cliff that I’d shot the album cover forDreamson. Ironic, because I was aware enough to recognize that I was in a dream. Staring up at the storm clouds hovering above me, I reached out, mirroring the action that had been captured on the album cover. But unlike the way that photoshoot had gone, I saw people approaching the cliff from the safety of the more stable land.
Their faces weren’t visible, clouded by a darkness that the dream wouldn’t allow me to pierce through. My heart quickened as they approached, pitchforks suddenly materializing in their hands. I waited for the torches to follow, but as they neared, the only thing that joined the pitchforks in the mob’s hands was a slew of guns.
With my heart rattling, I looked toward the cliffside, the raging waters waiting for me down below. With one final look at the mob, I knew I had a choice to make. I could either stay up here on the cliff and withstand the mob, or I could jump to the water and hope I wouldn’t break my neck.
It wasn’t until then that I realized I’d had this dream before. I’d been having it off and on since my debut album had started growing an audience online.
The water always looked safer. Every time.
This time was no exception. Before the crowd could truly reach me, I gave myself a running start and leapt off the cliff, praying to the universe that I wasn’t about to take my final breath.
Usually, when I’d have this dream, plunging into the water always woke me up. For the first time, I’d stayed asleep after rocketing into the cold, raging waters that resided below the cliff. Now submerged underwater, I blinked my eyes open, trying to focus on what was around me.
Vast blue water surrounded me, filling the entire field of my vision. Nothing but bubbles from my entry threatened to swim near me, a sense of weird calm settling into my bones. My eyes widened as the bubbles from my jumping impact started to turn into tiny diamonds, shiny from a light source that wasn’t logical as the diamonds floated around me. It was beautiful. Nonsensical, but absolutely beautiful.
The diamonds were shifted out of the way as a blur of movement swam toward me, my eyes catching on the blonde hair that whipped through the water. My mother’s face suddenly peaked through the water diamonds, mascara running down her face, the long neck of a beer bottle in her grip. She held up the bottle in mock cheers, her face in the most terrifying smile I’d ever seen on her face. Even worse was the face that housed this smile had been haunting me for years.
Panic slithered up my bones and out my pores, scaring me beyond the point of recognition. The blue eyes we shared started to bleed, bloody tears staining her cheeks, falling in parallel lines with her already ruined mascara, as she said, “Congrats, Alistair. Hope it was worth it.”
I awoke with a yelp tearing its way out of my throat, choking on the imaginary water that was no longer around me. My heartpounded, the contents of my room bouncing back to my dilated pupils. I closed my eyes, trying to regulate my breathing.
I was okay. I was safe.
Fur prodded along my palm, lifting my hand as it roamed over one of my cats. I looked over the white comforter and saw Fawcett’s cute face staring back up at me. She gave me a concerned meow and I felt a smile pulling my lips out of the tight line they’d been. I scratched behind her ears and pulled her into my chest, savoring the comfort that my cats always gave me whenever I was rattled by the dream. I just wished this one hadn’t been altered.
Seeing my mother, even in a dream, was not something I wanted to keep experiencing.
The bed shifted as another cat bounded on the bed. Another Scottish Fold prodded over to me, meowing over and over until my hand roamed over her shorthaired coat, my little brown colored kitty demanding to know that I was alright. I smiled even wider, using my fingers to scratch under her chin the way I knew she preferred.
“Good morning, Thiessen.” I said to her, scooping her up close to my chest so she was joined with her sister. I placed a kiss atop both of their heads. “I love you both so much.”
Fawcett and Thiessen started to meow back and forth and even though I assumed it was because they were hungry, I chose to believe it was their way of saying they loved me back.
My phone started to chime from my grey wooden nightstand, reminding me of the night that had occurred beyond the horrible dream my brain had forced me to live through.
The album was out. Holy shit, the album wasout. I remembered staying up as the release had gone live. I’d been glued to my phone, making posts announcing the album’s official release, going through fan’s accounts of them reacting to the album in real time, of hearing what people were thinking ofthe album. But I hadn’t been able to stay up beyond around three in the morning, falling asleep as soon as I’d placed my phone on the nightstand.
Still ringing and buzzing from the nightstand, I let Fawcett and Thiessen scamper out of my hold in lieu of grabbing my phone. I grinned at the name running across my screen. She was always the first person I heard from every morning.
Clicking the answer button, I pressed my phone to my ear. “Morning, Priyanka.”
“Excellentmorning!” She corrected me, her hyper tone already causing me to smile as much as I knew it would give me a headache later. “Have you seen what people are saying about the album?”
“I just woke up, so no.” I chuckled. Leave it to my publicist to be on it before I even had a chance to. “I saw some of the things fans were saying last night, though. Good things coming in this morning, I hope?”
