“Oh, yeah! They told me we were having an event tonight but I had no idea what was going on, sorry.” Ryan nodded apologetically, but he gestured to a door to his left. “You cango back through here, there’s a room back there where the drag queens and other talent goes. I’ll let the owner know you’re here.”
“Sounds great, thanks Ryan.”
Beating me to the prohibited entrance, Van pried the door open, made sure no one was in the immediately vicinity, and held the door open for me to pass through. He really was an interesting man. Sometimes he was so stoic that I wondered if he felt feelings the same way that people did. But every so often, like I’d seen when he’d been reacting to my music back at the house, he did these little displays that showed you there was so much more to the muscle that the rest of the world was presented. I ignored the part of me that wanted to know more about him. Because the truth was, my attraction aside, he was an interesting guy. I liked learning about the people on my team, about the people in my life in general. So the fact that I had a new case to crack was exciting. I just needed to make sure that I didn’t succumb to my initial feelings and cross the professional line.
The backroom entrance to the club wasn’t the most glamours thing in the world, but it was spacious, which in my opinion, was way more important. With Van tailing me, we passed by some drag performers, some of them doing double takes when I walked in. I smiled and said hello, but none of them stopped me.
Fluorescents buzzed above us as I kept walking in what I hoped was the correct direction. I was about to stop and ask for anyone to direct me to…actually, I wasn’t even sure where the hell I was supposed to go.
Halting my trek down the backroom, I turned to face Van. He was quickly scanning the immediate area before his eyes found mine, a smirk lingering off my face. God, he really was beautiful. Those eyes were so inviting and—
No, I told myself.You can’t do this. Focus. You’re here for work, just like Van.
No matter how much I didn’t want to be, I knew I was right. I hated when I was right. That was usually Priyanka’s department. Refocusing on his questioning stare, I finally refortified my brain.
“Did Priyanka say anything to you about where we’re supposed to be right now?”
Van shook his head, his hand already reaching into the black slacks he’d been choosing since he’d gotten the job. “No, but let me call her. She gave me her number before I left your house last week just in case.”
I was about to protest, because I could call her just as easily as he could, when a tinny voice rang through the air.
“There you both are!”
Sure enough, I turned in the direction of the proclamation and was met with Priyanka’a bubbly expression as she bounded over to us from what looked like a room off to the side of the hall we had been walking down. She clasped both of her hands on my shoulder.
“You’re onstage in, like, five minutes. I’ll debrief you back here in the room they gave us before you speak.”
Oh god, why hadn’t I bothered to ask Priyanka more about what was expected of me at this thing?Because you were haunted by this news regarding your mother. That was enough of that. Chastising my own brain, I nodded at Priyanka and let her lead Van and I toward the room she had originally extracted herself from.
It was time to unveil the video and officially tell people when I was going on my very first headlining tour.
Chapter 8
Nerves were singeing downmy arms like lightning strikes in the midnight sky. I normally didn’t get this nervous, but standing backstage at the club, moments before I was about to unveil the music video forBirthstone Baby, I suddenly felt like I’d never been more nervous.
“You’ll be fine.” I heard from my left, footsteps ending as Van stood next to me with crossed arms and armed with a leaded smile. “I wouldn’t think you could get nervous.”
“The fact that you can tell I’m nervous is an insight into my state of mind,” I said, trying to chuckle nonchalantly. “I just don’t feel at my best, so I’m trying to shed that.”
Pressure emitted from my shoulder as Van’s hand bared down comfortingly. “You’ll be great.” He reiterated, the silent promise under his tone, putting me a little at ease.
I breathed in his optimism and did my best to exhale all of the doubts. Being in front of crowds wasn’t something I was scared of. I loved performing live and I’d been doing it non-stop since I released my first album and did my best to promote it by booking any bar, club, or venue that would have me.
But now I was so much more instantly familiar to people. Van had praised me earlier about handling the transition fromunknown artist to global superstar well, but the truth was, I still hadn’t been able to get a handle on it. The past several months were a crazy learning curve to get used to, but I knew I’d get there eventually. I just needed to take this first leap.
This crowd was going to be the biggest crowd I’d been in front of since the fame had locked its hackles on me. Even doing the interview for Fox Jennings hadn’t produced this many people, so I closed my eyes to prep myself. I could do this. I’d been training for this ever since I’d first stepped into that studio with Blue all those years ago.
“Ready?” Priyanka’s voice ripped my eyes open, Van wordlessly retracting his hand from my shoulder as she came up to us. Her smile was twice as vibrant as her voice. “Once this song ends, I’ll go on stage and introduce you.”
I hadn’t even really registered the music throbbing around us, though it had been doing so since we’d left the little makeshift dressing room once we’d found Priyanka backstage. I nervously smoothed my palms over the black glittery shirt that was underneath the silver sequined jacket that went with my pants. Clearly, I needed to do more live performances to get my nerves together. I refused to feel this way when I was on tour and performing every single night.
Sucking in a chaste breath, I calmed my body down as I heard the ending of the Kim Petras song coming to its natural conclusion. “I’m ready.”
Priyanka nodded, squeezing by me and Van and disappearing through the folds of the blue backstage curtains as she wormed her way on stage, a male voice declaring that they had an announcement regarding Alistair Finn and to listen up. It was eerie how quiet the audience got at that mention, but there were little whispers and murmurs of excitement that kept me from faltering as I shook my body, visibly shaking limbs out of the nerves that seemed to be trapped within them.
Van said something, but I just gave him a smile and a nod. I was too busy listening to Priyanka introducing me. Once I heard the cue that was my name, I thanked Van again and found my way through the curtains until the lights from the sizable stage the club had at their disposal hit my face with a blinding subtle heat.
Cheers ruminated around me, lifting up my earlier soggy thoughts as I walked across the stage to where Priyanka was waiting with a microphone. I met her halfway when she extended the mic to me, the applause dying down as I took the mic and redirected my attention to the crowd. There had to be around a hundred people here, making me wonder if it was all fans of my music or a mix of fans and people who were at Periwinkle to enjoy thethump thumpof the music that would soon be back to bumping through large speakers.
