“Good. Zoe, Eduardo was asking for you. I think he has a question.”
“Oh, sure.” She says, finishing her bite of tart before standing. “Is he stillin his office?”
Camila’s mom nods.
Before walking away, Zoe turns to Camila. “I look forward to seeing you soon. It wasverynice to meet you,” she says with that smoldering look of hers.
“Same here.” Camila smiles, feeling her mother’s eyes trained on her.
Zoe smiles one last time before turning toward Camila’s father’s office, where they’ll both probably be for the rest of the day.
“So, what do you think?” her mom asks as she takes Zoe’s chair, with a smile so wide that Camila is sure it hurts.
“I think I’m confused. Since when have you accepted my sexuality to the point of trying to set me up with a woman?” Camila doesn’t mean for it to sound so rude, but the tone comes out rough, anyway.
“Oh, Camila, can’t a woman evolve?” her mother asks, exasperated.
“Sure, I just didn’t thinkyouwere capable.”
Her mother spins around, drawing in a sharp breath, looking genuinely hurt.
“What a rude thing to say.”
“You sent me to a Christian summer camp to try and pray the gay away,” Camila reminds her. “So I’m sorry if I’m having a hard time with this entire thing.”
“It wasnotfor that; I only wanted you to get away from your friend. I thought she was influencing you and that you needed wholesome people in your life,” her mother states.
Camila scoffs. “Why now? Why, after all these years, have you accepted it? And why is the way you decide to show that support by setting me up with someone? Why couldn’t you talk to me like you are now? You know, like anormal person would.”
“I can’t ever do anything right with you, can I?”
“What? I think these are perfectly reasonable and valid questions.”
“Do you enjoy making me feel bad?” her mother asks with a raised eyebrow. “Is it fun for you to see me that way?”
“Okay, Mom. That isn’t what’s happening. I’m just surprised. My entire life, you’ve either ignored the fact that I’m a lesbian and set me up with every guy you came across or made me feel bad about it. So excuse me if it’s taking me a little longer to wrap my head around all of this.”
“I almost died, Camila,” her mother says, looking out into the garden. There’s a hollowness in her eyes, a faraway look.
“I know,” Camila whispers. An icy dread seeps into her limbs.
“When I was on the floor, waiting for an ambulance, all I could think of was that I’d die and you might feel ... relief, and I couldn’t blame you. I wanted to, but even in that state, I knew that our not being close was my fault. I didn’t accept you for who you were, so you pushed me away.”
Camila reaches for her mother’s hand, holding it tightly as tears gather in the corners of her eyes, her heart pounding hard against her chest.
“I don’t want to do that anymore,” her mother continues. “I know my time is limited, and I want to be a part of your life. If that means seeing you fall in love with a woman, so be it. I’m so tired of not being there. You’re our only child, and I’ve missed so much of your life. Sometimes I only know what you’re up to because of social media.”
A lump forms in Camila’s throat. She wants to say something meaningful, something to ease the pain, but words fail her.
“When you first told your father and me, I didn’t know how to react. I had all these plans for what your life would look like, and you being ... into women was never part of it. Selfishly, I was mourning the life I had built for you in my head. So I tried to fix it by sending you to that camp to help you get back on track. That was my biggest mistake. I realize it now. When you came back, you were so mad at me.”
“That summer changed me, hardened me a little, especially to you. I couldn’t believe you hated who I was so much that you’d send me off,” Camila says, briefly remembering the endless Bible studies and worship circles.
“I didn’t hate you; Idon’thate that you’re gay. Honestly, I don’t know why I did it. I regretted it the moment the bus picked you up, but by that time, it was too late.”
“You could have kept me at home, you could have picked me up.”
“I wanted to, but part of me was worried the damage was done, and I wasn’t ready to face you. To see the disappointment in your eyes.”
