Ekkar brushed against me as he left my side, and I found I missed the warmth of him against my legs. I had never had a pet growing up, though I’d always wanted one. My parents always said they had enough on their hands caring for me, and after their passing, I didn’t want to add another burden onto Alice’s load. Ekkar was not a pet, but he was turning out to be a good friend.
Passing into the shade of the trees always felt like a relief against my heated skin. It was cooler in the forest, though not what I’d consider cool compared to where we used to live. I almost wished the tents could be under the shade of the trees to better provide shade during the height of the day. Alice wasn’t wrong when she mentioned having to drag me from the trees. I preferred being out here.
When Garrun turned me around, I sat where he guided me, tugging his hands to encourage him to join me. I thought he’d sit beside me but he didn’t let go of my hands, instead sinking to his knees in front of me, his upper body resting lightly against my knees as he stuck close. I smiled at the position, shaking my head.
“I feel like I’m worrying you, and that feels unfair. I don’t want to leave, Garrun. I just… I haven’t yet figured out how to stay.”
His fingers squeezed my hands gently before he moved one of my hands to touch his face like he always did, letting me seehim as best I could. I felt the furrow of his brow, the way his lips pulled down at the sides. He didn’t understand me yet.
“What do you mean?”
Pursing my lips, I tried my best to explain myself in his language. “I not wanting you to care for me always. I wanting to stand by your side.” I wrinkled my nose with a grimace. “Goddess, that was awful. I’m sorry.”
His mouth quirked like a smile wanted to peek out, and he kissed the tips of my fingers when I brushed his lips, his tone a little warmer than before. “You are trying. You are better than I am.”
“Nonsense,” I countered with a smirk. “We’re awful together.”
He chuckled and feeling the way his mouth stretched made my stomach flutter in that exact way I’d feared I’d never get to experience. If I’d only known he was already there waiting for me, I wouldn’t have had that embarrassing confrontation where I cried in front of him and Ekkar when they’d had to stop me from running into a fire.
Garrun tried his hand at the common tongue, his words clumsy like mine were when speaking his language. “I like caring Henry.”
I snorted, shaking my head at him. “We really need to practice more.” Sobering, I decided it was best to use what worked for us for now. I kept my words simple, but tried my best to explain myself to him in the common tongue. “I like that you like it, but I don’t want you to always have to. I like to care for myself. I don’t want to be a burden. I’m just not sure how to accomplish that here.” I felt him tense and quickly added, “I want to figure it out, though. Alice and I are trying to come up with ideas. I don’t want to go. I just don’t know if I can stay.”
Garrun didn’t immediately answer, and when my fingers brushed along my face, I almost winced at the deep frown linespulling at his mouth. I didn’t like upsetting him, but I felt it was best to be honest. It would kill me to spend my life being a burden to him. I needed to find a way to function on my own. At least in town, I knew my space well enough to use the toilet or get a snack when Alice was gone. I could do the basics on my own, and even make my way to town if I was careful enough. I wanted to at least get to that place here. Where I could do simple things without someone babysitting me. I wasn’t sure I could be happy if I always needed someone to help me.
“I will help,” Garrun finally said and a smile pulled at my lips at the determination in his voice. “I will find a way to make you happy.”
Melting at the sweet sentiment, I leaned in to press a kiss against his lips. “You already make me happy, you silly barbarian. You see me better than anyone else ever had. And you let me see you, too. These things make me unbelievably happy.”
Which was why I was so determined to make this work. I’d find a way to function on my own. Maybe if I could convince Garrun to stay with the clans that were settling permanently, though I hoped I didn’t have to go that far. It was the option that Alice came up with, and I preferred for it to be a last option.
Garrun leaned into me, claiming my lips, and I let the stressful conversation slip away. We’d figure it out.
When I spread my legs to allow him closer and stop him from leaning so awkwardly, Garrun made a low, grumbly sort of pleased sound, his hands finding my ass as he dragged me closer to the edge of the rock and up against his body. The intimate touch made me gasp while simultaneously reminding me about the conversation I’d had with Simon the night prior. I broke the kiss, sucking in a shuddering breath when he moved to kiss along my jaw and down my neck.
“Did– I mean, have you ever–” A blush stole up my cheeks as I thought about what I wanted to ask. It honestly hadn’toccurred to me to ask about Garrun’s experience. His kisses had always seemed so practiced that I’d assumed he knew what he was doing. After speaking to Simon and hearing about his whirlwind romance, I realized I should have asked. Apparently there was risk involved if I didn’t.
“Have I what?” he murmured against my neck, nipping at my earlobe and sending a shudder through me. Surely a man this confident knew what he was doing. Right?
“I, uh… I met someone named Simon last night. He told me some things, and I realized I’d never asked if you’d ever… um… if you’d…” Goddess why was this so hard? I’d never struggled to talk to Garrun before. Then again, I’d never spoken to anyone about sex before the night prior either. My one encounter with Garrun had been… sudden.
Pulling away, Garrun returned my palm to his cheek, kissing the center as he asked, “If the Simon you refer to is the one I have met, then I know what you wish to know. Yes, I have laid with others in my youth. Not for a while, though. Not since the gronnok attack.”
Relief made my shoulders slump. I was glad he could understand me without me having to be explicit about it.
“And, um… You know how to– Simon said there was risk involved if we weren’t careful, and I’d never even considered that before. Well, I mean, of course I didn’t, no one ever spoke to me about sex before. I wouldn’t know how to be with a woman either. But I had no idea there would be pain or that there were things necessary to accomplish it and–”
Garrun cut off my ramblings with a searing kiss that stole my breath and what little sense I had left. I sank into it with a groan, my hands moving to follow the line of his neck and over his thick shoulders. Now that we were on the topic, I couldn’t resist the urge to see more of him. I’d felt his body against mine the firsttime, as well as whenever we slept next to each other, but I’d never really let myself explore too much before now.
While my hands ran down his chest, tracing the muscles that cut so deeply, I could practically count them, Garrun returned to kissing my neck, the smile in his voice almost as seductive as the words that he spoke. “I know how, erska. And when we do come together, I will take care of you. But we are in no rush. You don’t need to–ungh!” The moving slow thing was starting to bother me. There was such a thing as too slow, and I didn't want Garrun treating me like glass. So, to get him to stop talking, I let one hand slide down his abs to cup him through his trousers, stroking where he was hard and hot between his legs. “Henry…”
Biting my lower lip, I squeezed gently, embarrassed by the husky tone of my voice when I said, “I don’t feel like I’m rushing, Garrun. I want to see you. Will you let me?”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
GARRUN
Any good intentions I had to go slow with Henry melted away, and I rocked into his touch, hissing when his fingers just barely grazed over the head through my legwear. I wanted nothing more than for Henry to touch me. But if he didn’t stop teasing, I was going to end up tackling him.
