“I do,” I cut him off, my words muffled against my palms. “I just don’t know how to make it all work, and I feel like I can’t think straight.”
For a long moment, the speaker didn’t say anything. I thought maybe I’d chased him off with my dramatics, but eventually, he put one massive hand on my shoulder, squeezing in a reassuring way.
“I can see you are overwhelmed… Have you spoken to Garrun about your feelings? I’m sure he would do what he could to make you feel more comfortable with our clan.”
Shaking my head, I dropped my hands again. “No. I’d hoped to speak to my sister, but then Garrun got so upset about me leaving, I figured it was best to wait. I’m not even sure where she is right now anyway.”
The barbarian sighed, almost exasperated. “He should not prevent you from speaking to your family. That is cruel.”
“No, I don’t think he’s being cruel–” I began, only for the barbarian to speak again, cutting me off.
“I don’t think it is his intention, no, but he is too emotional to think clearly right now. You are important to him, Garrun’s Musician. He acts irrationally because he wishes to keep you close.”
Snorting at the title, I held out a hand to him. “Henry. Though, Garrun’s Musician has a nice ring to it.”
Chuckling, he took my hand and shook it, the grip firm, but not painful. “Dras.”
Again, I was stunned as another member of Garrun’s clan treated me like I was just like anyone else. Never in the entire time I lived in the town after I’d lost my sight, had anyone treated me like I was anything but a freak or a burden. Here, with these people, I was… well, I wasn’t just anyone. I was Garrun’s Musician. But I vastly preferred that title to any of the others I was given in the past. And I liked that they treated me like anyone else.
If I could figure out some way to make things work here, I wanted to stay. There was no guarantee that anywhere else I went, I’d be treated so kindly. And… I didn't want to lose Garrun. Just the thought felt like losing half my heart. I hadn’t realized it, but I’d fallen for the big barbarian. I just didn’t know how to live beside him and not force him to spend his whole life as my keeper.
I wanted to be his equal.
Dras eventually brought me to find Alice, since I didn’t think I could work through all my conflicted thoughts and emotions without her support, and promised to let Garrun know where I was so he wouldn’t completely lose it and tear the clan apart looking for me. My mouth fell open at the casual way he said it, and he barked out a laugh at my expression.
“Relax, Henry. He is not that violent. It actually surprised me when he became a warrior for the clan. The image didn’t suit him when he was younger,” he murmured thoughtfully, then returned to reassuring me. “Either way, I was only teasing. Go, spend time with your family. Don’t stay too long though. If you are not in his tent by the time he takes his rest, he really will tear the clan apart.”
Again, I hesitated until he snickered. I shot him a dirty look, fighting the smile pulling at my lips. “Jerk.” Shaking my head, I let out a long breath. “Thank you for bringing me here. And for talking to me. I like the way people talk to me here. Like I’m normal.”
“You aren’t normal,” he said and my heart sank until he followed up with, “You are Garrun’s Musician. You bring rest to the weary. You are blessed by the goddess to have that effect on people. Our clan would be stupid to turn our backs on such a blessing.”
A flicker of hope lit in my chest, and that tightness from before eased. If the rest of the clan saw it that way, maybe they wouldn’t always see me as a burden. Maybe I could make this work. Maybe…
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HENRY
Alice was in the village center. I wasn’t surprised to hear Vaddarr’s voice with hers, but with the ambient noise of the village center, it was hard to tell who else was there. I hadn’t been back since that first awkward encounter, preferring to eat my meals at the smaller fire Garrun always took me to. It was easier to follow along with conversations when it wasn’t so noisy.
“Henry!” Alice greeted cheerfully, and a moment later, she took my arm, guiding me to join her on some pillows. I had a general idea of how the village center was set up, but I knew better than to wander here on my own. According to Alice, the fire in the middle was massive. One wrong step, and I could get seriously hurt. “I thought I’d have to drag you out of that forest kicking and screaming to get you to come spend time with me! I’ve barely seen you the last few days.”
Pursing my lips, I gave her a bland look. “I haven’t seen you in years.”
I heard what sounded like several people choking, and I twisted my mouth in a poor attempt to hide my grin. Alice knewme better than anyone, jokes like that were typical between us. I started making jokes like that not long after I lost my sight, trying to ease the awkwardness between me and my sister. She quickly learned not to take me seriously.
Shoving my shoulder, she snickered. “Oh, stop. You’re awful. Seriously, have you been hiding from me, or is there something I should know?”
I wasn’t willing to talk about what was going on between me and Garrun while we had an audience. If village centers were anything like town squares, the gossip mill started here and I didn't need my business being spread throughout the whole clan before I could even wrap my head around it.
“I could say the same about you, sister of mine. Is there anythingIshould know?”
“Goddess, I like him,” someone said behind me. “He’s got sass.”
I felt Alice shift her body to face them, and I could practically see the way her face twisted in pretend exasperation, the expression in her voice when she said, “Don’t encourage him. He’ll just take it as permission to keep going.”
“Good,” the speaker replied. I could tell they were smirking by the sound of their voice, the hint of smugness that changed the way the words came out. People didn’t realize how much their voices gave away of their emotions. “We’ve got enough demure little darlings in these clans. More sass is definitely needed.”
Someone a little further away spoke in Erabi, that same tilt to his voice that made me think he was smirking. Those two were birds of a feather if I had to make a guess. “You are brat enough for the whole clan, don’t you think?”
