I frowned at the offer, but he walked away before I could come up with a reply. While it was true that if I wished to explore my attraction, it might be safer to do so outside of this town that already saw me as a pariah, but I wasn’t under the illusion I wouldn’t be treated the same way wherever I went. I assumed I’d live my life alone, with my sister as company, and I was fine with that. What more could I ask for?
Alice guided me home, releasing me when we stepped inside. She knew how much I preferred to do things on my own if I was able. I was familiar with our home and could find my way to whichever room I wished at this point, as long as things weren’t moved about.
She was quiet for a long time, long enough that I considered she might be angry with me. Running my hand along the back of the sofa, I followed it to the side table, and then to my favorite chair, stepping around it so I could sit. It was near the window, and I often left it open to listen to the world just outside. Reaching for the latch, I flipped it and pushed the window open, breathing in the fresh air.
“Do you want to go with them?”
She’d been quiet for so long, I’d assumed I hadn’t heard her leaving. She could be quiet if she wanted to be.
“What? No, of course not. Going with them wouldn’t change anything for me. Unless… Do you want to go with them? I realize now I’ve never asked your preferences. Would you prefer a relationship with a woman?”
I wouldn’t care either way. I knew many of our neighbors had issues with same sex couples, but I never truly understood why. Why was it their business or mine who people chose to love?
She huffed, and I heard her footsteps when she came into the living room and plopped herself onto the couch. “I prefer men.Though, maybe not the men in this town. I don't like the way they treat you.”
Frowning at her, I figured now was as good a time as any to offer again to live on my own. “It might make things easier if we lived in separate homes. If I rely on you less, perhaps only for meals, then they might not be so unhappy about the arrangement–”
“If the person I’m seeing doesn’t like my brother in my life, he’s not a person worth knowing,” she said stubbornly. “I’m not going to force you to be all alone just to find someone. You’ll always be part of my life. I’ll either find someone who accepts that, or it’ll just be you and me. I’m fine with either outcome.”
My smile was sad when I looked in her direction. “I don’t want you to be all alone.”
“I’m not alone,” she insisted, taking my hand and squeezing it affectionately. “I’ve got you. Now be honest with me. Would joining the clans make a difference for you?”
“Unlikely. Finding someone I’m attracted to who wouldn’t be put off by my lack of sight would be like finding a miracle personified. I’m not going to pretend that outcome is likely. But they mentioned being a stopping point to Al Nuzem’s capital. You always told me you wanted to see it when you were little. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t get a chance to explore the world.”
We weren’t rich by any means, but we weren’t poor either. Our parents had a successful business before they died, and we sold it off for a decent amount of money. If Alice wanted to start over, we had the funds to do it. And everywhere needed teachers, didn’t they?
She went quiet again, but by the tapping of her fingers on the arm of the sofa, I assumed she was thinking about it. I reached for my violin automatically, pulling it out of its case and running my fingers along the body. Alice mentioned once my musichelped her think, and I felt the urge to play if things got too quiet. I put it against my shoulder, letting out a slow breath as I drew the bow across the strings. I didn’t know any songs I didn't create myself, having the inability to read music, but I always just let the music guide me. I played my emotions, eyes closed, and when the song drew to a close, I felt more relaxed. Music always made me feel better, no matter the mood I was in.
“I think… I think we should take their offer,” Alice finally said, drawing my attention to her. “We don’t have anything holding us to this place, and you deserve a chance at finding happiness, even if you think it’s unlikely. Maybe we both can find happiness out there in the world.”
We’d discussed the decision to join the barbarians for hours, but eventually, I relented. She was right. I had no attachments here. There was no reason besides familiarity to stay, and staying in a place I wasn’t exactly welcome for the rest of my life was a dismal thought. Besides, I didn't want to be the reason Alice didn’t get to see the world. She wouldn’t go if I didn’t, she made that perfectly clear. So we decided to go together.
Just like they promised, the group came back to retrieve anyone who wanted to leave with them. Those of us who chose to go had garnered a decent amount of attention, and there was a crowd watching us leave, but no one seemed too upset about it. They were happy to rid the town of those they considered undesirable and that included me.
“Good riddance,” someone muttered. It sounded like the baker’s wife, but I couldn’t be certain with the amount of shouting and hurling insults; it was hard to tell.
“Ignore them,” Alice whispered in my ear. She ushered me forward, and I went where she led me, her steadying hand on my arm keeping me from wandering in directions I shouldn’t.
For the first time in my life, I was led past the gate of our town and out into the world proper. I knew it was in my head, there was very little difference from the town proper and just outside the gate, but I swore I felt the shadow pass over me as we crossed through the gate, and the air felt less stifling on the other side.
I was led to a wagon and let the others go first before attempting to get on myself. I didn’t want people having to stand around because of me.
“Feigrind, help him,” the voice of the man from the day before demanded. “He’s blind.”
Before I could tell him I could do it on my own, I was plucked off the ground by my hips and lifted into the wagon. Startled, my hands flung out wildly, and I nearly dropped my violin, but someone caught my free hand and pulled me forward away from the edge.
“You’re alright. Sit here,” the female voice urged, guiding me over to a space on the floor.
“Alice?” I asked anxiously.
“I’m right here, Henry,” she reassured me, her hand on my shoulder as she helped me to sit where the other woman had guided me. Like she could tell I was uneasy, she stayed closed, sitting beside me with her side pressed against mine so I could feel her next to me. She took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together, and rubbed my arm soothingly. “You did it. We’re on our very first adventure.”
Huffing a shaky laugh, I nodded. “I guess we are.” I pulled my violin closer, my heart racing as the wagon jerked into motion, and we headed on our way. I hoped we’d made the right choice.
CHAPTER TWO
GARRUN
