I felt my body tense. This was when her suitors usually showed the first signs of discomfort around me. It would spell disaster for their relationship if Vaddarr reacted poorly. I held my breath, worried he’d act like the others, but his response surprised me and Alice both.
“You are the reason he can rest,” Vaddarr said excitedly. “The clan speaks of it often. You are Garrun’s musician.”
Huffing out a surprised laugh, I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I knew Garrun napped when I played, but I figured that was just because he was tired after working the night shift. If the clan connected his rest to me… I didn’t know what to do with that information.
“That’s not a bad thing, is it?” Alice asked.
“No, no,” Vaddarr reassured her. “Our clan leader has been hoping to meet Garrun’s musician. Our healer says he looks better than before. The clan thanks you, Henry, for bringing peace to our clan brother.”
“So… What’d you think?” Alice asked when we eventually returned to our tent after supper.
“About what?” I asked, sitting on the pallet of blankets that was my bed. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The fur that separated us from the ground was thick enough that my body didn’t ache when I woke up, and a few more on top of it made the whole set up quite comfortable.
“About Vaddarr, silly. He’s… been nice to talk to the past few days. He’s sweet.”
My mouth twisted to hide my smile. “Sweet, huh? I’ve heard rumors that say you think he’s more than sweet. Did you finally find someone worth getting to know?”
Plopping down beside me, she shoved lightly on my shoulder. “Shut up.” Letting out a breath, she continued. “I don’t know. He’s a nice guy, and he didn’t immediately turn into a jerk the second he met you, but this isn’t what we planned for. I don’t want to–”
Putting a hand on hers, I squeezed tightly. “Please don’t make this decision because of me. I promise, wherever you choose to end up, I’ll find my footing eventually. I want you to be happy, Alice. If you’re happy here, then we’ll figure out a way to make it work. All I want to know is if he makes you happy the way you deserve.”
Chuckling, she bumped her shoulder with mine. She was quiet for a long moment and my fingers itched for my violin to sort through my conflicted emotions about it all. I promised myself I wouldn’t at night, though. I didn’t want to disturb families just because I processed better with music. I could wait until the morning with Garrun.
“I’m hesitant to make any long term commitments just yet, but right now? Yes, he makes me happy,” she finally answered. “He’s very sweet, and encouraging while I learn his language. I’ll admit, I’ve never felt like this before.”
“Like what?” I prompted when she didn’t automatically explain.
“Like… with the men at home, I was attracted to them, sure, but a pretty face meant nothing when you added their temper or cruel behavior. With Vaddarr, it’s different. He makes me feel like my belly is full of butterflies and I can’t stop blushing whenever he calls me by one of those little pet names Finn told us about. I feel like a school girl around him, which isboth embarrassing and makes me hopeful that there might be potential for more.”
I listened to her gush over her new man, feeling both pleased for her and confused at the same time. That feeling she described, the fluttery, blushing feeling, I’d never felt that way in my life. It made me wonder if something was wrong with me. If losing my sight might have taken more from me than I originally thought. Was it possible I might never feel that way with another person? I couldn’t even test it and find out since no one had allowed me thus far to even try. What was I supposed to say in that situation?
An ache in my chest made my free hand clench at my side. I wanted Alice to be happy, I wanted her to feel all the fluttery falling in love emotions she wanted. I never wanted to be jealous of her.
But… maybe I was… just a little.
My emotions were turbulent the rest of the night, though I did my best to mask them as Alice led me to the trench and then the river so we could get ready for bed. When she said her good nights, I answered automatically, my tone carefully neutral. Her breathing evened out, the sound not bringing me the same comfort it normally did with my emotions so out of sorts. When a stray tear slipped over my cheek, I forced myself out of bed, grabbing my violin and shoving my boots onto my feet. If I stayed in this spot any longer, I was worried I’d fall apart. I didn’t want Alice knowing how upset I was. I didn’t want to take away from her joy.
The night air was cool on my skin, the normal bustle of the clan missing as I tried to follow around the edge of my tent and in the direction I thought the forest would be. More tears burned as I tried to make the trip on my own, frustrated tears that I held back only by sheer grit.
I was so lost in my emotions that I didn’t notice the heat in front of me until someone shouted and something heavy pounced on my chest, shoving me to the ground. I froze, terrified, and belatedly realized just how stupid I was to wander around without an escort. Even if I had sight, I didn’t know the forest nor did I know the creatures that lived in it. I’d been warned, we all had, that there were dangerous creatures in the forest and to never wander in there alone. It was the state of my turmoil that it hadn’t even crossed my mind until it was too late.
CHAPTER EIGHT
GARRUN
I had never felt fear like I had when I saw Henry wandering straight toward the fire. He was all alone, unaware of the danger he faced, and only Ekkar’s quick action saved him from being seriously injured.
Rushing over to him, I kneeled beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop his movements when Ekkar climbed off of him. “Henry? Why are you alone?”
It was then that I noticed the tears in his eyes, and the way his breath seemed to shake as he tried to hide his emotions. He wiped his sleeve across his eyes, sitting up and pulling his instrument against his chest.
“I just… I needed a minute. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have–”
Putting my hands under his arms, I pulled him to his feet, shifting my arm around his shoulders so I could lead him away from the fire and into the forest to our place. He told me once that his music helped him think. If he needed to work through his emotions, I would help him to do so. I grabbed a torch from nearby, using it to guide our way through the trees.
“Garrun, I don’t want to cause trouble. I can go back to my tent,” he argued, though not that hard. He didn’t dig his heels in or stop our movement. He was upset, and didn’t wish to be seen right now. I could understand this. I felt the same way sometimes.
“You are fine, erska. If it helps you, I am happy to bring you where you wish.”
