His face issosoft, his smile stirring something low in my belly, and somehow I can’t think of a reason to deny him. So I reach for the hem of my shirt, dragging it up and over my head and tossing it onto the cushion between us.
“You’re fuckinggorgeous—”
His eyes are glowing as he takes me in, one long-fingered hand skating down the middle of my chest. And I’m not sure what he sees, because I’m round where he’s angular, soft where he’s toned, hairy where he’s smooth. My chest is broad and furry and my hips are wide. But when he sighs, wrapping both arms around my shoulders and hugging me close, his skin feels so good against mine that I almost want to cry. So I find his mouth and I kiss himhardand we’re both moving again, rushing to take each other apart.
He’s pressing both of our cocks against the softness of my belly, rutting against me as his hand jerks along the length of us, and I’m finding his cleft with my free hand, teasing his hole with my finger. My thighs are shaking, my muscles clenching, and I know I’m not going to hold it together much longer, but with the way that Cole is trembling against me, I know that he’s right there with me, that he’s going to—
“Oh god,Ezra—”
He shudders, spilling over his fist, and I follow, both of us making a mess all over my chest. As we come down from our high, sinking into each other, he bonks his head against mine, a grin spreading across his handsome face.
“You’re fucking hot and I don’t ever want you to doubt it,” he murmurs. “Thank you for letting me see.”
“It’s going to take me a little while to get used to the idea,” I whisper back. “But I don’t mind if you keep trying to convince me.”
A little while later, we’re lying naked on the couch, a fleece blanket thrown over the two of us. I’m on my back, leaning against the arm of the couch, and Cole is spread over me, his fingers idly combing through the hair on my chest as his breath rises and falls.
“You know, your brother is really nice,” he muses.
I can’t help the snort that comes out of my mouth. “Do youreallywant to talk about my brother right now?”
Cole chuckles. “I dunno. I was just thinking about it, I guess. He just seems like —hmm, like he really wants to be there for you. And like he would support you, if you ever wanted to tell him — I mean, he’s your brother. You know him better.”
“I guess.” I think I know what he’s getting at, but I’m not ready to go there, so I change the subject. “Sabrina seems like a really good friend. I just feel like you’re —um, comfortable being you. Or something like that. And that’s really cool.”
“Thanks, I think so too.”
There’s a lot more that we could say, but I don’t think either of us is ready. Maybe if we were really trying to make a go of it again, to be what we were — but Cole’s made it clear what he wants from me, and I’m fine with that. So we let it go, letting the room darken as we lie there, listening to the city going by outside the window.
***
January 2013
“Five — four — three — two — one — HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
I looked across the room, meeting Cole’s eyes just in time to watch Courtney throwing her arms around his neck, dragging him down to plant a kiss on his lips. And then Hannah was next to me, leaning in to peck my cheek as “New York, New York” began to blare out of the television. All around us, our classmates were cheering and kissing, taking swigs from the two bottles of cheap champagne that Drew had managed to smuggle out of his mom’s house.
I’d never been invited to a New Year’s party before,at least not one with people my own age. Back when Mom was still alive, there were a few years when some of her work friends would throw a house party, and Seth and I would be dragged along. But playing video games with a few random kids in the basement while our parents partied upstairs was one thing, and being right in the middle of the noise in Melissa’s living room was quite another. I wouldn’t have been there if Cole hadn’t convinced me to come, and I wasn’t at all sure I belonged.
I made my way out to the kitchen, in search of a red Solo cup that wasn’t already half-full of rum and Coke. I was just pouring myself a glass of orange soda when Cole peeked his head through the doorframe.
“Did you need a break?” he asked, his eyes dancing mischievously.
“Yeah, you know — it was a little loud in there.”
“I bet it’s even quieter out in the backyard.” He flicked his eyes toward the door, and I could feel a grin splitting my face.
“Sounds like anexcellentidea.”
We were barely out of the house before he was grabbing my hand, dragging me into a dark corner of the yard. When we got there, he spun me around, arms around my shoulders as he leaned down, kissing me soundly under the night sky, the icy wind cutting right through my sweater no match for the warmth we made whenever we were together.
Smiling, he caressed my face, thumb smoothing over my cheek. “Happy New Year, baby.”
“Imissedyou —” I whispered back, and kissed him again.
I didn’t know why I was trembling so hard. He’d only been gone a week — from the day before Christmas up until a few hours before the party, back up to Connecticut to spend the holiday with his parents. But ever since the night up by the lighthouse, we’d spent every minute we could together, rushing home from school every afternoon to make use of the hour before it got too dark and cold for Dad to keep working. I felt like I’d memorized every inch of his collarbone, every twitch of his lips, every little gasp he let out when he kissed me. And I jerked myself raw every night thinking of his hands creeping up under my shirt, the spread of his long fingers on my bare skin, the fresh herbal scent of his hair. As far as I was concerned, life wasColeand food wasColeand air wasColeand a week without him had been like living on the moon without a space suit.
When we finally broke apart, he sighed. “Now,thatwas the New Year’s kiss I actually wanted.”
