“He’s hilarious. I love it. What other sex words did you teach him?” Mickey asks curiously.
“I taught him many things. How to ride a bike, how to get on the subway, how to eat food he’s never eaten before. I’m like a god to him.”
“Sure you are,” Mickey says.
“So, can you show us where the Door Torin used to come here is?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll close up here and go now.”
“Can… can you just leave work right now?” Riley asks, sounding concerned when this guy is obviously not.
“Yeah, they’ll still be dead when I get back,” Mickey says as he heads toward the door. “Tommy, input that data while I’m gone. Joy, you’re driving.”
“What do I do when I’m finished labeling all of these?” Scott asks.
“Whatever you want. Come on, let’s go. I was thinking about seeing if I could find a dead masseuse anywhere. So if you hear of one, let me know,” Mickey says as he hurries out the door with us following.
“Yeah, I’m often on the lookout fordeadmasseuses,” Riley quips. “Have you tried looking in the paper?”
“I actually put an ad up online and then some guy was like, ‘How much would you give me for one,’ and… I was ninety percent sure he was just going to go kill one, but that ten percent still made me wonder if he just like… had one lying around. I’m not sure which was worse.”
Riley shakes his head. “You are out of control.”
Joy begins talking to Mickey about why he should do his job properly, and Riley looks over at me.
“This… Door. Are you just looking at it?” he asks in Shaarunen.
“No, I need to go through it. I need to get something from my world.”
Riley is quiet for a moment. “You’re coming back?”
I beam at him. “Are you going to miss me for the five minutes I’ll be gone?”
“I was just hoping I’d have my bed back,” he says.
“You will if the Door fails and I can’t get back. Took me a damn long time to get that one up and running.”
Riley, or actually Kit, stares at me for a long while. Then Kit jumps from Riley’s shoulder and onto mine.
“Kit, what are you doing? Get your ass back here,” Riley barks, but Kit is too busy checking out my shirt. She paws it open at the neck, like she’s just going to dive in.
Riley drags her back as Kit flails, very displeased that her fun has been ruined, and I realize my own fun is about to be ruined when we near one of those monstrosities that I’ve managed to avoid thus far.
“I refuse. Where are my horses?” I demand.
“Out eating grass. You can visit them later.”
I shake my head while he tries to urge me on. “I will not allow that thing to consume me.”
Riley gestures at the creature. “It’s a car. It’s inanimate. It will not eat you…probably.”
I glare at the wretched thing as Riley peels it open and starts pushing me inside. I have to assume he’s enjoying every minute of this, if his grin is any indication. I have wandered into this world and found a sadist.
“It’s fine, I promise. It only eats the testicles of men once a month, and I think Mickey already fed it its quota of testicles for the month.”
“I assume you are joking, but it also sounds like a fitting sacrifice for such a wretched creature,” I growl, cupping my balls. “I will protect them.”
“What is even happening?” Mickey asks. “It’s refreshing not to be the weirdest one in the room, but I also feel like I’m being left out since I don’t know what you two are saying.”
