Great. Everyone already hated me thanks to that bitch, Lorelei. Now, they’d all think I was insane, too. I wasn’t sure which was worse, charity case or basket case.
Davenport Auditorium loomed just a few yards away, sending my pulse skyrocketing again. I didn’t think I could face Killian after what happened. And no, it wasn’t just because of how disgusted I was with myself.
It was because I couldn’t control my own body when I was around him. Just the idea of him had waves of fiery heat unfurling in my core.
I stopped in front of an old willow and leaned against the chilly bark, needing a moment to collect myself. Frosty air raced over my face, but I took it in, forcing oxygen into my lungs.Relax, Lexi. I had to fucking relax. So you let Killian finger you in the middle of a fancy ball? Big deal... So his stepfather caught you with his dick in your mouth? No biggie.
Fuck. My. Life.
I just had to stick to my guns and never let it happen again. Easy peasy.
A shadow darted across my peripheral vision, and I peered out from behind the old willow. A figure in a gray t-shirt and a dark hoodie sprinted across the quad. Even beneath the hood, I could just make out the familiar nose and glasses poking out.
“Micah!” I shouted.
He stopped and spun around, something like fear crossing his face.
“Hey! Wait up.” I marched toward my friend, repeating my lame apology over and over in my head. I’d practiced it a dozen times in bed as I lay there unable to sleep for shit, the framed picture of my mom staring down at me from the nightstand in disappointment.
When I finally reached him, he pulled the hoodie down farther over his head and grabbed my hand. “Not here,” he hissed.
“What?”
His fingers tightened around my own, and he towed me back to the edge of the quad, near the cluster of ancient willows.
“What’s wrong with you?” I wriggled out of his strangling hold when he finally stopped.
His eyes were wild, all the warmth I was accustomed to zapped right out of the golden hazel. “Nothing, I just—” He snapped his jaw shut and paced a tight circle behind the big tree.
“Micah, if this is about the other night, I can explain. I’m so sorry I bailed...”
His lip curled in disgust, and fear lanced through my ribs. Shit, he really was pissed. “I saw you with Killian,” he gritted out.
Oh gawd, no. Nausea crawled its way up my throat. Please tell me he did not see me on my knees. I snagged my lower lip between my teeth, considering. If I told him why I’d sucked him off, I’d sound no better than a whore. Sure, he hadn’t actually paid me in money, but the deal was to cover my half of the trip. A high-end whore, but still.
“Micah, please let me?—”
He shook his head, and I didn’t think I’d ever get that look of disgust twisting his lips out of my head. He was right. Iwasdisgusting. For allowing Killian to do those things to me, for doing those things to him, and forlikingboth.
Even right now, my blood hummed at the vivid memories, at the feel of his hot lips, his hands ghosting over me...
“I don’t care about that right now.” Micah dragged his hand through his hair. “I mean, I do. The idea of you and that asshole together—” His lips screwed into a pucker. “But I have other shit to worry about.”
I finally looked at him,reallylooked at him, and dread pooled in my gut. Dark shadows tinged the soft skin beneath his eyes, and he was at least a shade paler than normal.
“What’s wrong?”
“The secret society thing... it’s real,” he whispered.
“You mean at Sigma Delta?”
“Shh!” He pressed a finger to his lips, then glanced around nervously. “The things they made me do...” He blanched, his face growing even more white. “And the things they still want me to do, Lexi... There’s no fucking way I can do it, but if I don’t?—”
“So don’t,” I barked.
He shushed me again, clapping his hand across my mouth this time.
A beat of silence.
