Tears mingled with the light hairs on his chest, and a shudder surged up my spine. My shoulders shook, and I bawled like a freaking baby.
“Shit, Lexi, you’re scaring me. What the hell happened?” He forced me out to arm’s length, brushed an errant strand of hair behind my ear, and fixed those deep green eyes on me. “Tell me.”
My lower lip quivered, but I sucked in a breath, compelling myself to keep it together. I couldn’t tell him. How could I even form the disgusting words? It was impossible. I’d let that prick touch me... I should have fought harder. I should have?—
“I missed the ACTs,” I muttered, forcing the truth away before I could completely spiral. “Papá’s car broke down on the side of I-12, and I didn’t make it to school in time.”
A chuckle rumbled his chest. “Red... that’s it?” Relief softened his voice. “Jesus, I thought something worse happened, like someone had died.”
Only a tiny sliver of my soul.
I forced myself to act normal and whacked him in the stomach, like I usually would, and barely suppressed a wince. “Itisa big deal,” I whined. “You know how important that test is.”
“So you’ll be stuck here with me for a few more months... Is it really the end of the world?”
Killian had zero interest in college. His mom would probably force him to attend San Carlo CC, and that would be the end of his college experience. Not me. I wanted—noneeded—to become a doctor. I’d felt so powerless when Mom died, when that fucking cancer ripped her away from us. Now all I wanted was to devote my life to finding a cure, so no other nine-year-old would be forced to endure what I went through.
Or, at least, that was all I’d wanted until a few hours ago. Now, I wondered if I’d find the strength to survive until the end of the day.
“Lexi?”
“Huh?”
Killian eyed me warily. “You sure that was it?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired. I walked for like five miles to get here.”
“Where’s your phone?”
I snagged my lower lip between my teeth. “Lost it.”
He stepped closer, and I jumped back, heart leaping up my throat. “Lexi?” His dark brows furrowed as he regarded me.
Wrapping my arms around my torso like flesh and blood armor, I fought to hold myself together. His hand shot out, and my body betrayed me, recoiling before I could stop it.
“What the hell?”
“I’m… I’m just on edge,” I muttered, still chewing on my lower lip.
“You know, I can always tell when you’re lying.” He pointed at my mouth. “You do that thing with your lip.”
“Not lying,” I mumbled and released my bottom lip.
He shook his head and muttered something I couldn’t quite make out. “Well, why don’t you come inside so I can at least get dressed and take you home?”
“Okay, thanks.”
I followed him to the back porch and climbed the rickety steps. Unlike my family, Killian’s had money once. His dad wasted it all on gambling and drugs before drinking himself to death. Killian’s house was nice, but in need of major repair. He was always scared they’d lose it, but somehow his mom always held on.
I walked into the kitchen, and the scent of roasted coffee beans filled the air. An embarrassing groan slipped past my lips.
Killian ticked his head at the coffee maker. “Help yourself while I change.”
He darted around the cracked granite island and disappeared into the foyer. His footsteps echoed overhead as he climbed the staircase. I reached for the cupboard above the coffee maker and grabbed a mug. Filling it with coffee, I inhaled the bittersweet aroma. I could do this. What happened today wouldn’t define me. I wouldn’t allow it to. It was one moment. One moment of incredible weakness.
On the walk over here, I’d replayed the incident over and over again. Why hadn’t I done something different? Why hadn’t I screamed? Punched him in the dick? Done anything at all?
What the hell was wrong with me?
