“Like everything I’ve ever wanted is right here in my arms.” Peace settles deep into the marrow of my bones at his confession. I may not have known it or understood it, but he’s right, the three of us were always supposed to be together like this.There was never going to be another option. Now, I just need to figure out how to embrace what I’ve found and be open about it. That’s going to start with getting through these trials with Parker, even if that means the Ashcroft family legacy dies with my dad and Crimson Veil doesn’t initiate me. No matter what the Veil asks of me, I’ll always put Parker and Mia first.
Our bodies start to chill, so we take turns showering, annoyed that Parker’s is just a single standing cubicle that couldn’t even fit two. After grabbing a snack and water from the fridge, the three of us change the sheets and crawl into Parker’s queen-sized bed. Mia to my front, Parker to her back. I’m the last to fall asleep, not wanting to miss a moment of being together like this, when my mind and heart are settled, without fear, without judgement, without anything to hide.
The momentI leave my dorm room, a cold chill starts to creep in, slow and suffocating, settling behind my ribs uncomfortably. Hushed whispers carry on the wind, eyes meeting mine and then looking away too quickly. I run my hand nervously through my hair, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand for toothpaste, patting my pants to double-check I put them on. I’m not a self-important man, but I can’t help but notice they all seem to be looking at me.
That’s when it hits me. I don’t need anyone to tell me what’s happening because Iknow. I knew it was coming, and yet, it doesn’t change the pain of facing it. Our confessions were released.
I don’t know how I forgot to tell Parker about how that trial would go, and the fear of him thinking I shared his secretsslams into me stronger than anything else right now. The emotion is so prominent, it nearly brings me to my knees. My stomach drops so hard it feels like I’m on an elevator that just snapped, plummeting to the bottom floor with no one to stop the crash and burn that will inevitably follow.
The information spreads like wildfire, everything Parker shared with me in the confession trial. The fact that he’s adopted and is here to find out more about his legacy and connection to the Grimsley family line. After being known at Corvus for over three years, no one would have expected Parker to be related to one of the founding families, and since that relation is so important to the very foundation of Corvus College, it’s kind of a big fucking deal. The fact that it was concealed and kept a secret? Also, kind of a big fucking deal.
The kicker? I’m more concerned about Parker thinking I could ever break his trust like this than I am about my own confession about wanting to live my own life and not follow in my dad’s footsteps, spreading around Corvus, the Veil, and getting back to my father. Fuck knowledge and secrecy. Fuck using other people’s secrets to benefit us. I choose love. I choose him and Mia.
This is why I was supposed to stick to my perfectly curated script, to protect myself, to never give anyone the power that information holds. But I let Parker hand that over to the Veil and me on a gold platter, and I was so caught up in everything between Mia and us that I forgot the plans for those confessions. The ambition trial is all about access to information and how you’ll use that information. My dad expects me to have told them some bullshit that could never affect me, and to use the information I was given to get myself ahead. “The way to the top is to climb, and if you have to climb on the backs of others toget there, so be it.” That’s not who I am. That’s not who I want to be. And if Crimson Veil values that, then I won’t be part of Crimson Veil either.My name be damned.
By the time I reach the doors of Crimson Keep, the information is everywhere, spreading faster than I ever could have kept up with, slipping through whispers and half-concealed conversations. Parker is going to think it was me. The thought alone is like a gut punch, knocking the air straight out of my lungs. Why wouldn’t he think it was me? No one else knew besides Mia. And out of the two of us, why would he trust me over her? I’m the one who was reluctant to be in this trio. I’m the one who put up a fight. I’m the one who has the most to lose.
My heart nearly shatters as that fear clutches me like a vise grip, it squeezes, poisoning my thoughts like a virus. We had just found something real, something whole, and now it’s already wilting before it’s even had a chance to bloom. I stand frozen at the bottom step of Crimson Keep, the world moving around me while my life has paused. Three ravens sit perched in front of the elaborate, snow-dusted tracery, unafraid of the grotesques and gargoyles keeping them company. Their beady eyes peer down on me before croaking and flying right over my head.
Two students rush out of Crimson Veil, the heavy doors opening, a gust of warmth hitting my cheeks. My feet are moving before I realize it, desperate to get to Parker before anyone else does. If he hasn’t left his room yet, maybe I’ll have the opportunity, maybe luck will be on my side, and I can prepare him.
The fear doesn’t seem to loosen as I climb the stone steps to Parker’s floor. Because sometimes, it doesn’t matter what the truth is. Sometimes it only matters what it looks like. And that’s exactly what my father prepared me for. And I failed.
My fists bang against Parker’s apartment door, my blood rushing between my ears. “Please be here, please be here.” I shift from foot to foot, lifting my hand to bang again when the door is suddenly whipped open. I come face-to-face with Asher, looking ruffled and still half asleep, his dark hair rumpled and mussed, sticking up all over the place. He rubs his eyes, squinting at me when he mumbles, “The one fuckin’ day I get to sleep in. This is wicked bullshit.”
“I’m sorry, Asher. I need to talk with Parker. Is he here?”
“I don’t know, man, check his room. Like I said, I was sleeping.”
“Thanks, I’m so sorry.” I rush past Asher like my ass is on fire. I don’t stop until I’m standing in front of Parker’s door. I don’t bother knocking, flinging it open like I don’t have anything to lose. I scan his room, finding it empty. My heart plummets into a sour pit of bile in my stomach.
I drop down onto the edge of Parker’s bed, my head falling into my hands. How could I have been so stupid? He’s probably with Mia right now, figuring out how to handle the outbreak of bullshit he’s facing because of some fucked-up secret society and their bullshit ways of testing us.
“Leo?” My head jerks up, finding a familiar pair of green eyes peering down on me, squinted into slits. He’s here. And I can’t discern his expression.
I don’t know why the last thing I expect to find when I look up is Parker, considering this is his bedroom inside his residence hall apartment. But there he is, the man I wanted to see before everything blew up in flames around us. But now that he’s here, I’m at a loss for words, so I just stare at him, worry and sadness rolling through me in equally painful measure.
The back of Parker’s foot connects with the door, kicking it shut to give us privacy. Then he’s on his knees at my feet, hands gripping my thighs. He’s still wearing his winter coat and beanie, but he looks so incredibly handsome that my heart pangs violently against my ribcage.
“What is it? Talk to me.”
“I didn’t tell them, I swear, Parker. We’re in the next trial, this is it, and I didn’t prepare you, and now everything is out, and we can’t take any of it back. I told you we’d be recorded during our confessions. What I didn’t tell you was that it would eventually be released, so The Keepers could watch what we do with that information.”
Parker’s face doesn’t change. I wait for him to get angry, to be hurt, or disappointed, but it never comes.
“Didn’t you hear everything? I couldn’t hide from it, and I didn’t even make it to class.”
“Oh, I heard all the bullshit on my way in, everyone was stopping me and asking if it’s true. The things people find noteworthy or interesting are always fascinating to me, because who gives a shit that I’m a blood descendant of one of the founding families? Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? But finding you in my room looking so distraught, that matters to me.”
“I was terrified you’d be hurt or assume I was the one who outed you. I could never do that to you, Parker, just the thought of it . . .”
“Baby, I know you would never. It didn’t even cross my mind,” he reassures me, running his hands up and down my legs.
“You didn’t?” I whisper, my insecurities bleeding through my voice.
His eyebrows furrow,a puzzled expression taking over his features. “Maybe I’m the insane one here, but I thought it was obvious. I love you. That comes with a bunch of other shit. Like loyalty, benefit of the doubt, and not letting outside noise dictate my reactions when I have access to the source.”
Tears flood my eyes as relief settles in my bones. But there’s so much more there that I need to face. I love Parker. But I need to get my shit together before I can tell him that in return. Words don’t mean anything if my actions can’t back them up. And right now, I’m the reason the three of us are hiding what we are.
