So what am I supposed to say here? That a friend is going to be coming to my house a lot (I hope) and I want him to have the stuff he needs to cook for me?
I guess that’ll have to do.
"I want him to come over and tell me what kitchen tools I need."
"An air fryer and an instant pot." Bryson says as he takes off his skates, left first, always.
"And a blender." Aiden adds.
"Grandma Turner found the perfect spoonula." Emmett’s casual tone shows no hint of him being aware that he’s making up words.
"What the fuck is a spoonula?" I ask as I gather my contact solution and case. I hate wearing them but I do when I’m on the ice because rec specs are a hard pass.
"It’s a half spoon, half spatula. Like a spork but for stirring or spreading all at once." E.T. tells us.
"Could be useful." Felix tosses in with a shrug.
"Fine, if Andre comes over and tells me to get a spoonula I’ll be sure to ask G.T. which one."
"No need to call G.T., it’s this one." E.T. says as he types. Phones around the locker room buzz in tandem moments later.
Boba Tea is the first to swipe his open. "Oh, I’m totally getting the confetti one." His head bounces side-to-side as he mutters, "add to cart."
"The skinny one could be helpful with getting all the smoothie off the walls of the blender." Aiden observes. "I’m getting us the dark green one."
I click the link and wonder if I should just order one right now or if I should wait for Andre’s advice. And then I realize I haven’t gotten Felix on board yet.
"So, whatdya say Cap? Can Andre come over?"
Felix shakes his head but agrees. "Yes, fine."
He sends me Andre’s contact information and I send out a text asking for help to outfit my kitchen for someone who actually knows how to cook.
***
I have never felt more emasculated in my life.
Andre just tore me a new one.
He’s scary.
And intense.
It was no more than ten minutes of him opening and immediately closing every drawer and cabinet in my kitchen in silence before he looked at me with his bald head and icy blue eyes and said gruffly, "I’ll be in touch."
I just nodded with my eyes bugging out of my head and followed him to the elevator that opens directly into my condo.
Now I’m standing in my kitchen trying to process what just happened.
I still don’t know what the fuck I’m looking at but I know it’s inadequate.
My phone buzzes.
FRENCH FRY
Andre said it was worse than he’d expected.
Really? He didn’t say a word to me.
