"You're not being a girl’s girl right now." I point a finger at her. "You'd never tell a girlfriend to give her cheating ex a chance to explain himself."
"You're right, you're right. And I know it makes me terrible. But you pay me to see the whole picture and the scorned lover sells tickets but reunited-after-he-hears-your-musical-poetry sells out arenas."
I’m not getting out of this. "Fine."
All the empty spaces inside me hollow out further with the word.
If I can't have the love of the man I want, then I will chase the transactional and fleeting love of thousands of fans night after night knowing it’ll never be enough.
***
Thankfully there wasn't a red carpet at this event. I was able to head in the back door and go straight to my dressing room. A few VIPs have been back to visit but I haven't heard anything from Zara or from Mike.
Maybe he decidednot to come?
I chuff a laugh remembering the endless jokes about coming between Duncan and I.
"What's so funny?" The nasally voice sends chills through my body.
"Nothing. Hi Mike."
"Mike? NoCheeky Meeky?" The nickname he gave himself for me to call him sets every nerve on my body on edge.
"No."
"Rhysie," he pleads as he walks into my dressing room. His cologne stings my nostrils. Wrong. It all feels wrong. "C'mon, are you still mad at me?"
"Am I still–am I still mad at you? Are you serious?" I stand and glare into his dead eyes. "You cheated."
"It was a PR relationship." He shifts and crosses his arms as he delivers his excuse.
"We didn't agree to end it!" I move towards him but before I can say anything else Zara appears and knocks on the door frame.
"Time to go." She says as she looks between Mike and me.
"Have one drink with me." Mike pleads as he places a hand on my bicep while I try to pass by.
"No." I shove off his touch.
I grab my hat and head out on stage.
The lights are bright but that's the benefit of being a country star, my hat provides some shade so I can keep my eyes wide open.
Which I vow to do for the rest of the night.
Rest of my life.
"Hello Nashville! Happy New Year!" I call out into the microphone. My voice sounds unfamiliar in my in-ear monitors.
The crowd cheers and hoots and hollers.
Inhale, exhale. Perform.
"We're comin' up on midnight so I have a few songs for us before we count down. Get close to that someone you're gonna kiss and sing along with me."
I strum the opening chords as my band fills in the rest behind me. The lyrics and melodies fall from my lips with ease.
The pain I’ve become accustomed to since coming home to Nashville fades away as I sing about nights by the camp fire and nights by the bon fire and nights by the fireplace, cuddled with the one you love no matter the weather.
