“Try to sleep,” she says at the door. “Big day tomorrow.”
The door clicks shut.
I’m alone again.
I don’t sleep.
I lie there staring at the ceiling, the soup sitting heavy in my stomach, my mind spinning in circles.
Could I have trusted him?
The question won’t let go.
If I’d told him earlier, what would he have done?
Would he have turned me in?
But he protected me before he even knew me.
That has to mean something.
But then he could still turn me in. He could walk straight up to Coach Calloway tomorrow morning and tell him everything. One conversation and it’s over. The team gets disqualified. The wins get stripped. My life at Blackwood - my degree, my friends, everything - implodes.
And Zane would probably be fine. He’d be the victim. The poor guy who got tricked by some crazy girl pretending to be his teammate.
I press my palms against my eyes.
I think about what Tara said.
He needs you on that ice.
Is that true?
I don’t know.
I don’t know him that well. Not really. I know the way he skates. The way he laughs. The way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not watching.
But I don’t know what he’ll do when the sun comes up.
I think about Dad and start crying again.
What would he say if he could see me now? His daughter, playing on a men’s team, lying to everyone, falling for her teammate.
He’d probably be furious. But maybe he’d be proud.
He’d probably tell me to stop crying and figure it out.
The ones who want it more, they’re the ones who win.
I want it. God, I want it.
But wanting isn’t enough anymore. Now it’s about what Zane wants. What he’ll do with the truth I gave him.
I roll onto my side and stare at the door.
Waiting for morning to find out if my life falls apart.
25
