“Yes?” said Dr. Fairclough.
“Still a joke,” I explained.
Alex got that concerned look he often got at about this stage of the joke-telling process. “Luc, I know I’m sometimes a bit of a duffer comedy-wise, but I don’t think just saying the worddoctorover and over again qualifies as a joke.”
“Doctor, Doctor,” I tried for a third time, “I’ve broken—”
“Are you sure”—this was Barbara Clench, who was currently on holiday somewhere sunny and was now filling my screen with a brightly coloured mocktail and a disapproving expression—“that humour is an effective use of work time?”
Alex, at least, defended me on this one. “Oh, don’t be a sourpuss. Finish your joke, Luc.”
“Doctor, Doctor,” I said.
“Yes?” said Dr. Fairclough.
“I’ve broken my arm in three places,” I continued.
She gave an irritated blink. “I’m not a medical doctor, O’Donnell, I’m an entomologist.”
“Gosh,” exclaimed Alex. “It’s bally sporting of you to be at a meeting with a broken arm. Did it happen recently?”
“No,” I said, “because it’s a joke.”
“Stiff upper lip’s all well and good, old man, but you need tobe careful with this kind of thing. I had a friend who broke his arm, and he died.”
“Did he get an infection?” asked Dr. Fairclough.
Alex shook his head. “No. Eaten by an alligator.”
I gritted my teeth and tried not to ask myself why I kept doing this, because it never stopped me. “Doctor, Doctor—”
“Yes?”
“—I’ve broken my arm—”
“And we’re dashed sorry for you.”
“—in three places—”
“I really think we should be doing something more productive.”
“‘Well, don’t go back to those places,’” I finished, utterly exhausted.
“What?” said Alex.
I gave the deepest sigh I had given since the last time I’d told Alex a joke. “Doctor, Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in three places. ‘Then don’t go back to those places.’”
Silence on a Zoom call was the worst-possible silence.
“And that’s a joke?” asked Alex.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
This was not, and had never been, worth it. “Okay. First of all, the Doctor, Doctor format is a well-known joke structure, based around the premise that the first speaker is a person with a medical complaint, and that the second speaker is a doctor giving them advice.”
Dr. Fairclough popped up again. “That wasn’t at all clear from context. It was far more natural to assume you were reporting a single speaker.” She went still and quiet just long enough I thought her connection had frozen, then added, “Perhaps you could use some kind of hand signal. Or modulate your voice. Or adopt a system of hats.”
