“No,” Oliver said very firmly. “It’s rightfully Jasmine’s property. She gets to decide what to do with it.”
I agreed. I probably agreed too quickly because, despite all the complex feels, the likes-free-stuff part of my brain took over with uncomfortable speed. “You going to be home soon?” I asked.
“A bit under an hour, I think—I’m at a service station on the M20.”
Naively, I’d assumed he’d just be calling from the car, but of course Oliver would never use a mobile phone while driving, not even hands-free.It still constitutes a distraction, he’d say, looking all noble and shit,and has been shown to contribute to accidents. So I let him go, and we said our goodbyes and our I love yous and our goodbyes again. Then he texted me a picture of the front cover of a children’s book about a pig, and it took me about twenty minutes of Googling before I could send backDick King Smith, right?
He didn’t reply for an hour, of course, because if he wouldn’t talk on a hands-free kit while driving, hecertainlywouldn’t textwhile driving. And when I did get back aWell deducedit was timed to coincide exactly with the door swinging open and Oliver coming home, laptop under his arm, the recyclable carton from his service station dinner in hand.
He presented the laptop to Jaz without ceremony, and she took it much the same way. She managed athanks, but it was the thanks of somebody who suspected that not sayingthankswould be a whole conversation that she couldn’t be fucked to have.
Still, shedidsay it. And while it wasn’t likely she and Oliver would become best friends overnight, it felt like a tiny pebble on the scales of her maybe thinking he wasn’t always a complete dick who only existed to make life difficult for her personally.
* * *
As we discovered two days later, it was a very tiny pebble.
“Ican’tgo,” Jaz was yelling at Oliver on Sunday. “I’mgrounded. You can’t say I’mgrounded, then make mego places.”
Oliver didn’t pinch the bridge of his nose, but he gave strong pinching-the-bridge-of-his-nose energy. “I think you’ll find I can.”
“Don’t think of it as being dragged out to visit your boring foster carers’ boring family,” I suggested in my best helpful voice. “Think of it as a rare chance to meet a reclusive famous person.”
Jaz fell heavily back onto her bed, and Spud jumped onto her chest. “I likeoneOdile song. I’m not a fan. And I have to do homework. You’ve been on at me for a week to do more homework.”
“And you’ve made excellent progress,” Oliver positively reinforced, “but today you’re coming to visit Luc’s mother. She’s asked to meet you.”
A deep, aggressive shudder started at the crown of Jaz’s head and ended at her now-bright-purple toenails. “I’m not a zoo animal.”
“Well no,” I agreed. “Because zoo animals don’t get taken out of the zoo to visit the keepers’ mums.”
“I’m staying home to look after Spud,” Jaz declared.
“Spud will survive an evening on his own,” replied Oliver firmly. “He’s well past the stage where he struggles with separation.”
Still flat on her back, Jaz angled her head into an optimal glaring position. “How do you know? You asked him?”
Oliver—my poor, sweet, sometimes extremely unable-to-read-a-room Oliver—couldn’t quite resist responding to that with, “Effectively, yes. He’smydog, Jaz—I actually know him quite well.”
“Our dog,” I corrected.
“Mruff,” added Spud, I thought a little ambiguously.
“Youwant me to stay home, don’t you?” Jaz asked Spud, and Spudruffed, muchlessambiguously, and licked her face.
“In my profession,” said Oliver archly, “we call that ‘leading the witness.’”
It wasn’t a joke Jaz appreciated.
“Come on,” I said. “Spud’ll be okay, and Mum and Judy are actually pretty cool people.”
“Oh well, ifyouthink they’re cool,” Jaz replied so laconically I thought her heart had stopped.
Time for an alternative strategy. “Okay, how about this: Oliver and I aren’t going without you. So either you get your shoes on and come with us, or we juststand here. Like this.” I folded my arms and gave her a look that I’d been designing for maximum teenager-annoyance factor.
I was pleased to see Oliver doing the same. He also folded his arms and looked down at Jaz with anI’m not angry, I’m just concernedexpression that I could never have equalled in a million years.
She ruffled Spud’s fur and pretended to ignore us.
