I feel vulnerable, and that’s not a place I’m used to being.
I stretch, pulling one arm across my chest and then the other. I release my arms, circling them, but the tension creeps right back up my arms and into my neck.
All I see is Ryder’s face. Her hardened, exotic blue eyes as she pulled me off the dance floor and escorted me out of the venue. I don’t understand what happened, except that once she saw the man Greg was talking to, that was it. The woman I’d been dancing with was gone, and in her place was the Ryder who showed up at my apartment ready to do a job. Her sole purpose: take someone down.
But that woman and the Ryder I’ve gotten to know over these past weeks seem like two different people. I want the Ryder who walked into the venue with me last night. The one who trusted me enough to show me what goes through her mind. The woman who laughed and joked and allowed me to hold her close on the dance floor.
Even in an overly crowded room, those minutes with her might be some of the best minutes I’ve ever had. But she left me there. In the blink of an eye, she was gone, and I haven’t seen her since.
“Let’s go, Matthews!” Ricketts yells. “Let’s see what you’re bringing today.”
He takes off and cuts right as I drop back and aim.
Ryder’s eyes begged me to stop asking questions, but now, I wish I hadn’t. I should have demanded to know what happened because, despite all professional boundaries and sound reasoning, Ryder matters to me.
I thrust my arm forward and let the ball fly.
I shove out a breath, desperate to ignore any and all feelings. I know better. I always have. I’ve been careful never to let myself get distracted or too close to anyone. But she’s beginning to matter more than I could have ever expected, and it feels more dangerous than whoever would like to remove me. Permanently.
Ricketts sets up again, and my fingers squeeze the ball.
I’m an idiot. Ryder is a witness to every detail of my life, except for my mom, as if she senses the fragility of the topic. Anything I’m beginning to feel for Ryder is one-sided. She made that perfectly clear, and it burns like hell.
Maybe it shouldn’t, but when she’s becoming my closest friend, it damn well does.
All I know is that somehow I need it all to stop, not to matter. I needhernot to matter. The problem is, I can’t turn it all off and go back to giving all my time and energy to this game. My only constant and the one thing that’s never failed me.
I launch the ball over and over again, calling and practicing plays. The sun beats down, melting my intense aggravation. Eventually, my body falls into the comforting rhythm, and my mind settles into familiar territory.
After two hours, I peel the tape from my wrist, feeling more in control.
“What’s up with you?” Ricketts bumps my shoulder. “You were about to take someone’s head off out there.”
“Nothing. I’m just sick of sitting back while those jackasses prevent us from doing what we’re being paid to do.” I tip my head, gesturing toward T-Bone and his gang. It’s not a complete lie. “I’m done playing their way. If they don’t like it, they can come at me.”
He chuckles.
“Something funny, Ricketts,” I stop and stare at him, all my fucks about playing nice and team camaraderie having finally taken flight along with the cool, calm reserve I’ve held onto for far too long.
He rubs his jaw, trying to hide a grin but doing a shit job. “I’m just happy to finally see you have some balls. I knew you didn’t make it here by cowering and letting a bunch of assholes shit on you.”
I push out a heavy breath. “From now on, we’re going to win or at least play our asses off with every intention of winning.”
It’s the only thing I can control.
“This is a game, and there are far more important things, but I love it. I love everything about it. So, I hope you’re ready because we have work to do. We’re going to make up for those jackoffs not providing any help.”
He punches my shoulder. “Hell yeah! I’m ready! It’s about damn time.”
“Cole.”
I stop outside the locker room. Greg, my GM, leans up against the wall as if he’s been waiting for me. I join him as my team files past.
“I didn’t get a chance to catch up with you last night. It looked like you were having a good time.”
Something about his tone has my spine stiffening. I stare at him, wanting to ask him about the man he was talking to, but that look in Ryder’s eyes flashes through my mind again and warns me not to.
He pushes away from the wall. “You cut out early.”
