She side-eyes me. “I’m scared to want it, but. . .” She turns toward me, wiping her hands on the apron tied around her waist. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life afraid. What happened has taken enough. I don’t want it to take my future, too.”
I smile, studying the space that makes Jamie happy. This place gave her hope and a safe place to come to when she needed one.
“Sign that lease.”
She scrunches her nose, a smile pulling at her lips. “Really?”
I nod. “Yeah. Get those puppies you’ve always wanted. You’re right. What happened. . .it won’t take your future. I won’t let it.”
She throws her arms around me. “Will you stay with me sometimes?”
“Just don’t go out with that tool out there.”
She laughs. “Don’t worry. Bud put the kibosh on it and told him not to ask again, or he’d have to find another station.” She squeezes me tight again and then pulls back, her hands remaining on my shoulders. “Tell him.”
I frown. “What?”
“Tell Cole. Let him in. Let him see who you are, Ryder.”
I pull away, my skin prickling in retaliation to the change in focus.
Her blue-gray eyes bore into mine. “Someday, someone is going to be worth the risk. Maybe he is. Maybe not.” She shakes her head. “Just don’t hide in fear. No one deserves that kind of power anymore. It’s time to not give a single fuck what someone might think.”
Jamie’s use of that word catches me off guard, but I know she means it. My body grows uncomfortably warm and sticky.
Her smile is weak. “I know it’s scary, but you. . . You’re still standing here, still fighting, despite having every reason not to be.”
I can’t breathe as a burn scorches the lining of my throat. “I don’t want to give a fuck,” I whisper because it’s all I can do.
She pushes her lips to the side. “Then don’t. Just. . .don’t.”
Her eyes flick between mine for only a moment before she gathers the trays, and I follow her out of the kitchen, unable to hear or say anything more. I don’t want to be afraid, but this is an assignment, and when it’s over, life goes on. Cole will keep playing football, and I’ll go back to fighting a world people can’t bear to believe exists.
I climb in my car, heading for the practice facility. Cole asked me what I saw, and I told him. I just didn’t tell him everything.
There’s a point of no return in letting someone see the places I’ve been and the things I've survived. Cole is too good to ever let walk into a world he’ll never walk back out of unchanged and unaffected. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to see it—what it might do to him.
Innocent ignorance can be the most beautiful thing that some never had the chance to experience. How could I steal that from him?
The problem is, something is happening way deep down inside me. Something new and so, so subtle. It’s quiet, like a whisper, but also painful. So damn painful. Everything in me wants to pretend it’s not there, tugging and tearing, resurrecting what’s been long dead and gone—rotted through and through.
I don’t want to give a fuck, but for some reason, with Cole, I give a lot of fucks, and I hate it. It has me wanting to believe that if I did tell him, if I did let him see, he’d still be standing there just the same, asking me to dance.
Chapter 24
COLE
MAGGIE: Seriously.
MAGGIE: If you don’t give me every single detail about who this chick is, I’m coming and will find out for myself.
MAGGIE: Your choice, bro.
MAGGIE: I gave you two hours. See you tomorrow. *Smiley face emoji*
ME: Sorry. I’m in a meeting. Chill. I’ll text you later.
MAGGIE: Chill?! Has the sun and salty air gone to your brain?
