“What did it feel like?” Jamie’s pensive, light tone has my body unfolding a bit more.
I meet her hopeful gaze, remembering every detail I’ve tried to convince myself I should forget.
Nothing about Cole is alarming or threatening, and for some reason, that sets off a whole different kind of internal warning system. One that makes me want to run in the other direction, fearful he might see too much. Or…maybe, like Tracker said, it’d be ok if he did. But then what?
What if he saw it all? If he knew?
It’d change everything, most of all, the way he looks at me. It always does, and there’s no going back. I’m not sure I could stand what I might see.
Pity. Disgust. Horror. Or worse, complete disbelief. The inability to ever really conceive it or understand.
I release a long, slow breath. “It was. . .I don’t know. He’s so confident and careful.” I raise and lower one shoulder, really needing this to remain simple. Just a job. “It was. . .easy with him.”
Their faces brighten. I see it, but they’re diligent not to let it show too much.
Big, girly suckers.
“It was just a dance.”
Their heads fall to the side in pure annoyance.
I roll my eyes. “Fine. It was. . .nice. Ok? Does that make you all happy?”
They grin like they’ve struck gold. I won’t be telling these dreamers that I’d be willing to do it again.
For those few minutes, it was as if it were just Cole and me. I was still completely aware of everyone around us. The noise. Thesmell of alcohol, mixed with perfume and aftershave. But at the same time, everything was dulled. Turned down. Muted.
What I felt instead was Cole’s nearness—his self-assured hold on me. The strength of his body was like a shield, and none of it made me afraid.
In fact, it did the opposite, and that’s the part I’m struggling with. It’s generating a new sensation. A new kind of fear I’m completely unfamiliar with. Because for those few minutes, tucked inside Cole’s arms, all the pain and shame went just a little bit numb.
“You liked dancing with him,” Jos smirks while Jamie and Van hide their smug smiles behind their coffee and chocolate muffins.
“It wasn’t terrible.”
They all groan, and I bite my cheeks, unwilling to allow these chicks to make it more than what it will be. One dance.
“That was up until I saw the devil.” I move us along from fantasy land, and their smiles fade.
Jamie sets her tea on the table, her eyes turning serious. “Did you tell him?”
“Tell him what?” I play dumb.
I don’t want to get into this again. Track’s little speech was enough for one day, and my body and mind need a break before I have to pick Cole up.
Her hands wrap around her mug. “That guarding pretty football players is only a temporary sentence, and your regular duties involve—”
I’m saved by the bell as the door swings open, and Jamie’s regular lunch crew enters. A band of firefighters stationed across the street files in and takes up residence at their usual table.
She stands, grabbing the empty mugs and plates off the table. She eyes me. “This conversation is only paused.”
She waves to the captain as he takes his seat at a large table across the room.
Jos leans in close, her arms crossing on the table in front of her. “The tall blond asked Jamie out last week.”
I watch his eyes trail Jamie before they meet mine, and I glare.
Bud, his captain, has been coming in for years and has always watched out for her, ensuring his guys are kind and respectful.
