“Deal.”
I take some deep breaths, gathering myself before glancing in the mirror once more. I tug on the tight, stretchy fabric, making sure it covers my scar and as much skin as possible.
I open the bedroom door.
I can do this. I will fucking do this!
Cole stands in the kitchen, fastening a cuff link on his crisp white button-down shirt that fits like it was made for him. He’s as handsome as they come.
I take a tentative step into the kitchen, and his head lifts. Those perceptive blue eyes meet mine.
I want to run right back to my room as they move over me. Not in a way that makes me want to vomit, but in a way like he, too, has to get used to us like this and what we are about to do.
I suck in my stomach and hold my breath as if it will make me brave.
“You look. . .beautiful.” His hands fall to his sides, twisting his wrists slightly to slide his cuffs down.
I roll my glossy lips together.
Shit. Here goes nothing.
“I…”
Just say it. Who cares what he thinks? This is my job.
“This. . .won’t be easy for me.” I ease the truth out.
His dark brows pull together.
I bite my cheeks to force my mouth open again. “I need your help.” I push it out quickly before I change my mind.
“Ok.” His voice is gentle, and his gaze is set on mine, waiting.
I fist my hands, hoping it will strangle everything coming for me.
“Ryder.”
I carefully release my breath. “I have difficulty with being…touched.”
His eyes flick between mine.
“We can’t walk in there looking like—”
He takes a small step closer. “Tell me what to do. . .or not do.”
“This sounds totally stupid, but—”
“Ryder, tell me what will help.” His demand is so cautious it causes the ache to spread from my stomach into my chest, where it blooms and pierces.
It’s a new kind of pain. One I haven’t felt before, and it creeps into dark places left undisturbed after they were gutted so long ago.
I square my stance, trying to summon my fearlessness. “I’m. . . hypervigilant,” I admit. “I see and feel things that other people don’t.” I stare at the floor. “If I know what your hands feel like, I’ll know they’re yours and not someone else’s.”
I bite down on my lip, knowing I sound like a complete nutjob.
When he doesn’t say anything, I force my gaze to meet his.
His frown is replaced with all that self-assured confidence. “Ok. Tell me what you need.”
