“You’ll hate this, but settle your stubborn ass down and listen. Practice.”
Shit! No!
This sounds like what Kerry suggested, and it’s a fucking terrible idea.
“Just close your eyes and desensitize yourself to him. You know how your senses work. It’ll only take a few seconds.”
“Ask him to touch me?” I spit out. “Hold on. Let me find a match and a sprinkle of gasoline so I can light myself on fire.”
She laughs. She freaking laughs, and I want to reach through the phone and pinch her.
“Well, don’t do that. You’ll ruin that pretty dress. Just think, this is like the prom we all missed.”
“Jamie, I’m losing my ever-loving shit, and you’re thinking about prom!” It comes out as sort of a growl as my windpipe shrinks to the size of a straw.
“Ry.” She says my name as if I’m being ridiculous, but that’s the pot calling the big freaking kettle black because she’s lost her damn mind. “Tell him physical contact is triggering, and since you need to appear as a couple, you have to be able to identify and be comfortable with his touch.”
She needs to not use words like “couple,” or I’ll vomit for sure.
I put my head between my knees. “I’m here to protect him! I can’t be some weak-ass, afraid of a little physical contact!”
Jamie sighs. “Ryder, you are the baddest of badasses. Nobody is messing with you. But, as much as it sucks and as hard as it is, sometimes even you have to be vulnerable.”
Jamie’s got her bossy pants on.
“Right now, this is your job. Who gives a shit if he thinks you’re insane? You’re there to guard his good-looking, talented behind, and you need his help. Now, get out there and have him put his hands on you.”
I pull oxygen in through my nose and blow it out.
I see what she’s done. She’s turned this into a job requirement; maybe I can do that. It’s not about me. It’s about protecting him.
“Damn. Have you secretly spent overtime with Kerry? Jamie, what the hell?”
There’s a moment of silence before she speaks, giving my body and heavily beating heart a chance to settle down.
“You can do this, Ry.”
I force myself up and step into my heels.
Boots. I want my boots in case I need to smash someone’s face in.
“Ok. I have a job to do, which today will involve a little touching.”
“Yep!”
“And I’m not going to lose my shit.”
“Nope. Not tonight anyway.”
“Love you, James.”
“I know. Even when I don’t.” Her voice is tender, and my chest squeezes tight. “And Ry.” Her voice is so soft, it’s almost a whisper. “I’m only saying this because I really hope someday you say it back to me.” She pauses. “It’s ok if you find out you don’t mind it when someone runs their hand down your arm or slips their fingers between yours.”
I hear the struggle in her voice as my throat burns with pain from wanting this to be simple and not complete and utter torture. Every damn bit of it.
“You are the strongest, bravest person I know. You’re going to rock this fake girlfriend thing.”
It’s such a ridiculous thought, I swallow the knot in my throat and laugh, wanting to believe it. “Nah, you’re the brave one believing we can actually have that someday. I’ll let you believe for both of us.”
