“Um. . .what does that mean exactly?” I shove it out, not wanting an answer.
All four pairs of eyes are locked on me. No one moves. My ears fill with pressure and the sound of my own heartbeat. As I’m cresting the hill of panic, Lyla’s calm voice breaks through.
“It doesn’t matter what people think and say. They’ll say anything and everything.”
Ok. Just breathe.
She’s right. I’ve seen this firsthand with her. Rarely anything posted about her has merit, and she keeps marching like nothing was said at all. I can do that.
“Just talk to him about it. Come up with a plan and see what he thinks. Maybe you can. . .blend into the background,” Van says, lifting her glass like this is no big deal. She pauses before taking a sip. “Although it might help if people think you’re dating him. If they know he’s got protection, he’s less vulnerable. You know how cowards work. They slink back and try to hide. If you’re his girlfriend, they’ll keep gunning for him.”
I don’t want to hear what she just said.
Jamie sets a piping hot pizza on the table and sits in the chair beside me. I’m no longer hungry. I pick at my piece while they break down my new gig.
“What if it’s not that bad?” Jamie says, wiping her fingers on a napkin. “Have you given yourself a break to think that maybe Cole might be a nice guy and you could be. . .friends?”
I twist to look at her, knowing honesty is the only option. “No.”
Her tone softens. “I want all of us to one day have the chance to wonder and then know what it might be like to think of a man. . .that way.”
“James, this isn’t—”
She holds up her hand. “I know, but. . .you doing this, living with him, pretending or whatever it will be, gives me hope that someday I might be able to feel what something even remotely similar tonot pretendingmight be like.”
An ache so raw and so deep fills every hollow space within me where, at one time, I would have felt that longing, too.
I stare, watching her be brave.
She smiles. “I know you don’t think it’s possible, but I want it for you.”
My eyes run over their faces, so full of hope. Sometimes, I think we just might need someone sitting in our corner, hoping for all of the things we’re too afraid to ever wish for ourselves.
“We’ll be here,” Jos says through a mouthful. “Day, night, hell, or high water.”
Van nods. “We love you, Ry.”
I fill my cheeks with air and blow it out, letting the blur in my eyes recede. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Even when I don’t.”
I meet each of their glossy eyes, set with determination, providing strength and belief that I just might survive this job.
Lyla raises her wine glass but stops. “I just hope he likes Bruno.”
My head falls back toward the ceiling, feeling my lungs expand, and then I whip my crumpled napkin at her. “I don’t give a flying shit if he doesn’t like Bruno. He’s coming with me.”
I watch them laugh, needing this to come with me, too.
Chapter 6
RYDER
“How long have you had this?” I run my fingers over the keypad, inspecting the worn numbers.
“I. . . Since I moved in.”
My gaze lifts to his subconsciously. I’ve got more work ahead of me than I anticipated.
I arrived ten minutes ago and got straight to work. Work means no time for nerves, and I need to shove those boys the hell out of the way while I figure out how this will be. Cole Matthews and me—roomies.
