“It helped that I had stopped using regularly before I got pregnant. A combination of reasons, really. I had a job I didn’t want to lose. I was thinking about going back to school. I wastrying to get out of a bad relationship. And then I found out I was pregnant. The timing couldn’t have been worse.”
“Why did you keep Olive? Most people wouldn’t have.”
She again was quiet, looking down at her hands. “I’m not sure it was a conscious decision at first. I sort of did what I knew my mom and dad would have expected me to do, and then, I don’t know. Somehow everything changed. I came to love her. She was mine, and I wanted her.”
He nodded, touched at the fierceness in her voice. “And you were hers.”
“Exactly. I’m not sure I can adequately convey the miracle of feeling her move inside me for the first time. It felt like the first distant star in the middle of a dark, dark night.”
He hated knowing she had endured such a difficult time after she left Oregon. He wanted to make it right for her, to give her back those years she had lost to despair and hopelessness.
She gave a little laugh. “As you might expect, Olive’s father wasn’t exactly thrilled at the possibility of being a dad. Kevin wanted me to give her up. Not terminate, necessarily, but consider adoption. I did. Believe me, I did. It would have made the most sense for her. I even had a couple of appointments with a social worker but in the end I couldn’t do it. The most selfish thing I’ve ever done, in a lifetime of selfish things.”
“What happened with you and Kevin?”
Bryce wanted to drive to Vegas right then and find the son of a bitch, give him a few lessons about how real men took care of people they loved. He had never liked the guy. Now he loathed him.
“He signed away his parental rights before she was born, which I thank God for every day.”
“So you went through with the pregnancy all alone.”
He had a sudden wild wish that she had come home at that time. Hadn’t she believed Rosie and Sylvia would be there for her?
Hewould have liked to have been there for her, too, even though he knew he had absolutely no right.
“I wasn’t really on my own,” she assured him. “By that point, I had a job. Friends who rallied around me.”
“That’s great.”
“And I was luckier than most people my age. I had a small inheritance from my dad to help fill in the gaps. Nothing huge, but enough to help me get by. My mom blocked access when I was using, which infuriated me at the time, as you could probably guess.”
“I’m sure Rosie was only trying to protect it for you.”
“I know. I can see that now, at twenty-five. If I could have accessed my trust fund after I first took off, I would have drained it within a month. When I was seventeen, I thought she was only trying to punish me because I left and she could no longer control me.”
Bryce found it desperately sad that she and Rosie had turned away from each other after Gary’s tragic death. How much pain could they have avoided if they had leaned on each other instead?
“I’m sure she wasn’t. She was only concerned about you.”
“I know. For a long time I didn’t want to touch a penny that came from her, even indirectly. Finally I had to swallow my pride. I knew my dad would have wanted me to take care of his grandchild.”
Her voice broke on the last word and she looked instantly horrified.
“Sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing,” he said quietly and he couldn’t resist reaching out and covering her hand on the table with his own.
They both gazed at their entwined hands for a long time. Bryce was aware of each slow inhalation of breath she took, each pulse beneath her skin.
He wanted to kiss her.
The urge was almost overwhelming, his body leaning forward slightly, his breath catching.
But before he could even consider asking, she shoved her chair away.
“Thanks again for all your help. I think that’s all I’m going to do tonight. I’m not ready to start painting. I’m sure Olive’s in bed by now, but I don’t want my mom to have to worry about keeping an eye on her all night.”
He nodded, and the moment was gone. The air between them seemed to cool instantly, the connection they had shared seconds ago evaporating like morning ocean mist in sunlight.
Bryce felt a pang of disappointment, but he understood. They both had responsibilities, lives that extended far beyond this quiet moment.
