She nodded and moved to the floor-length window on the stair landing that overlooked the ocean. “She told me they were in love but at the time of his death, their affair had been strictly emotional.”
“Do you believe her?”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore. It doesn’t make much difference, does it? An emotional affair almost feels like more of a betrayal than a purely physical one.”
He could see that, though he expected some men wouldn’t be able to grasp the subtle difference.
“What was he not finding from me? What was I not doing to make him feel loved and appreciated so that he had to turn to someone else?”
The despair in her voice broke his heart and made him want to smash something. “This wasn’t about you, Rosie. Gary’s choices were his own.”
She sighed. “It’s easy to say that, but I look back at how things were in the year before he died and we hardly saw each other. He was working long hours at the construction company, I had bought the bookstore. And then I complicated everything by persuading him that we had to buy this house. I added so much pressure, financial and emotional, to our marriage. How can I blame him for turning to someone else?”
He moved closer, wishing he could take away this pain. “Unfortunately, we can’t ask him. He’s not here. Your mind can come up with a million different reasons why he might consider turning to another woman but you can never know the truth. You don’t need to torture yourself by trying to figure it out.”
She sighed. “I know. I need to stop. It’s not that easy.”
“You didn’t even know any of this twenty-four hours ago. It will take time to come to terms with everything.”
She nodded, giving him a tentative smile. The afternoon sun coming through the windows lit up her features and he had a tough time looking away.
“Thank you for being a listening ear. I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. I can’t really discuss it with Emma and I don’t want to talk about it with my mother. The three of you are the only ones who know and I don’t really want to tellany of my other friends that Gary was having an emotional affair with Pam when he died.”
“Understandable.”
“You really have been amazing,” she said. “Thank you. The last thing you need right now when you’re trying to finish a book is me spraying you with a fire hose of my emotional trauma.”
He smiled at her imagery. “I actually really appreciate the distraction.”
“The book isn’t going well?”
“It never is at this stage. This is always when I wonder what I’m doing and why I’m fooling myself to think I can ever manage to write a book that anyone would be interested in.”
She gave him an empathetic smile. “I know it’s not at all comparable, but I feel the same way every time we take on a new building project. I look at the architectural renderings and consider everything ahead of us and it always feels impossible.”
“Yes. That.”
“It’s not quite the same. You’re trying to come up with everything out of your own imagination. But a big project is a big project.”
“True enough.”
“Other than my own emotional trauma, I really do think the book club went well. I’ve heard from several of my friends today telling me how charming and approachable and kind you are. No one quite expected that.”
“Given my tough persona.”
She smiled. “Well, you do have something of a reputation for being remote and standoffish. Unless we’re talking about your red carpet appearances with Willow Voss, anyway.”
He made a face, embarrassed at the reference to a time inhis life he would prefer to forget. “You know that whole thing was mostly made up by the tabloids, right? I went out with her a few times, that’s all. I did like her and so did the kids but I wasn’t in the market for an ambitious actress looking for publicity and she wasn’t looking for an introverted, too-serious widower with a couple of kids.”
“Then she’s a fool.”
Rosie immediately looked as if she wished she hadn’t said anything.
He wanted to kiss her again, right there on his second-floor landing, in the middle of hammering and power tools and chaos. Not the time, he reminded himself.
“I should go,” she said. “I only dropped by to check on things with the carpenters.”
“I’ll walk you out. I could use some air.”
