Her eyes had begun to burn.
Do not weep do not weep do not weep.
She couldn’t speak.
“I’m not happy, either.” His words were scarcely audible. As if he was ashamed to reveal any kind of vulnerability.
His tone wasn’t accusatory. It didn’t need to be. Her own conscience flailed her.
“I think such a change will be beneficial to both of us. If you agree, you might find comfort in the fact that soon you need never see my face again.”
Was this what she wanted? It wasn’t the sight of him that tormented her. It never had been.
She forced herself to think about it. If she lived an ocean away, she could perhaps cease hearing about him so frequently, or reading about him in newspapers, and perhaps, as the years went on, even wondering overmuch about him. And perhaps the fact that she had inadvertently ruined this man’s life would become a distant, dull echoin the background of hers. It would bother her the way the shrapnel in Brightwall’s wounded leg bothered him.
Like little fissures of air in a sealed coffin, tendrils of possibility began to wind through the dark snarl around her heart.
The notion of an entirely new life, unfettered by obligation to a man,anyman, did indeed seem like freedom. Nor would she be obligated to solve the problems of her family. They were all thriving, thanks in large part to Brightwall’s money. God knows where they would all be now if she hadn’t married him.
It would mean leaving everything she knew behind.
But suddenly this notion seemed almost exhilarating. And even though the decision would always be bound to a certain sadness and guilt, she had learned that one couldn’t get through life unfettered by regret. She had loved and been loved by a young man once, briefly. Perhaps that was all one got in a lifetime. She wouldn’t be the first human who had changed the course of her life with one fateful mistake.
All at once she realized Magnus had hit upon the right solution.
She swallowed hard.
She dragged in a breath and settled her shoulders on an exhale.
“Although I of course have no rights that you haven’t bestowed upon me, I agree to your terms.I will appear at your side for the events in your honor, and then I will go to live in New York.”
There seemed a terrifying finality in even saying the words.
His shoulders rose and fell as he exhaled in what sounded like relief.
“But what if our performances as devoted spouses prove unconvincing to the ton?” she asked.
“As your own reputation and your family’s reputation are also at stake, I have no doubt you will acquit yourself well.”
In other words:It’s clear to me that I don’t matter to you, but your family does, Alexandra.
This wasn’t true. But she wasn’t going to belabor the point. She would do her duty, because that’s what she’d always done, and then they would be as finished with each other as was possible.
“I’m afraid that doesn’t entirely answer my question,” she managed to say calmly.
He understood. “If at any point it becomes clear to us that we cannot convincingly portray a devoted couple, and if it appears we are in fact making things worse, rather than better, we’ll end our arrangement at once. You may proceed to live with your sister. I will leave it up to you to explain to your family why you will not be occupying any of my properties.”
He really was such a cool, unmitigatedly ruthless bastard. It was utterly impressive. She might even have been proud to witness it, if she hadn’t been the one cornered. He knew full well she wastoo proud to go and live with her sister, let alone explain to her sister why her marriage had failed.
She recalled well what he’d said about there being no pleasure in stripping a man of his pride. His armor, he’d called it.
Magnus took his seriously.
And so did she. It went down jaggedly as she swallowed it now.
“I’m certain I can manage to be a credit to you long enough to fool the ton.” She managed to say this with just a frisson of irony.
He nodded.
