“Yeah,” she said thickly. “He’s a good guy.”
Totally inadequate words to describe J. T.
“Then... I mean... okay, what’sreallybugging you, Bip?”
Nervousness made Britt’s fingertips go icy. She felt like a tree forced to suddenly grow a new branch. There was no precedent in their relationship for what she wanted to say to Laine. But she needed to say it because she wanted to hear what Laine had to say.
She cleared her throat. “When we were arguing he said...” She pulled in a fortifying breath. “...he said he didn’t think Rebecca was the problem. He said I was looking for a convenient excuse. To run. Because... because you know...” She swallowed. And then she got the words out with admirable steadiness. “...because of... Jeff. What happened with Jeff.”
Laine went still.
Her breath seemed to be held.
“Are you?” Laine said tentatively, her voice a near whisper, so gently. And Laine was never gentle with her. It was like she was trying not to spook a forest creature. “Looking for an excuse to run?”
Britt swiped at tears that were now streaming. “I don’t know. Maybe? Probably, yeah. It’s hard, Laine. It’s been hard. Being scared is notnormalfor me.”
“I know, Bip. You were always fearless. The bravest person I know.”
“I’m starting to wonder, though, Laine, about my definition of brave. I was able to talk myself into this thing with J. T. to begin with because I knew he wouldn’t be around for long. And now it’s like... if I catch a whiff of pain I want to head it off at the pass. I want to getitbefore it gets me. And this feels like the most scared I’ve ever been, somehow. More scared than with Jeff.”
Laine took this in thoughtfully.
“I think I get it,” Laine said after a moment. “But I think maybe fear as aconceptis your enemy. Not J. T. And maybe you’re this scared because he means that much to you.”
Britt liked the sound of this. But she had no idea what to do about it.
Laine inhaled and swiped her hands over her face in frustration. “Argh.I hate it when you cry.”
“Me, too!” Britt said.
They both laughed sniffly laughs, and Laine swiped tears out of her eyes.
They were quiet together again.
“I have to say, though, that it sounds like J. T. knows you pretty well. Do you think he’s hurting, too?”
“Maybe,” she said begrudgingly. “Probably,” she allowed a second later, more faintly, and guiltily, because the idea of him hurting brought with it a fresh wave of pain. “His mom died when he was ten. I’m beginning to think we’re both bad pickers when it comes to relationships. He picked someone who’d bail on him again.”
“Poor J. T.” Laine almost whispered this.
“And you know what he said? He said his impulse was to be wherever I was.”
“Oh my God.” Laine’s hand went up to her mouth. “That is about the sweetest thing I ever heard, Britt.”
“I know. He said it while Rebecca Corday waited for him outside the diner.”
Laine sighed in great resignation. “Have to tell you, I don’t know what to make of that. I wouldn’t want to be him right now, that’s for sure. I like things to be pretty simple. His life sounds like it’s nevernotcomplicated.”
“He says I can either believe him or not about Rebecca.”
Laine snorted. “Easy for him to say.”
“Yeah, well. I think once he’s back in his own milieu at that wedding in Napa he’ll realize he’s just been in a sort of dream world here. So as of now... the thing with us... pretty sure it’s over.”
Saying these words aloud felt like flagellating herself. And to give Laine a chance to dismiss them as hogwash.
Laine was thoughtfully quiet while Britt sniffled.
