“Sure,” he says. “But you know the rule.”
“You might not always answer.”
“Perks of being a lawyer.” One corner of his mouth twitches.
“What did you talk about with Ethan last night?” I ask. “He never responded to me, and I’m getting nervous.”
Dad shuts off the water and positions himself on the stool at the island. “Luce,” he says like I’m a child. “I can’t tell you that.”
“So, he’s a client now?”
“He is,” Dad says. “There’s a confidentiality agreement.”
Nerves flutter in my stomach, but I push them away. As soon as I talk to Ethan, he’ll tell me what’s going on. He’s never kept anything from me, and now’s not the time to start.
“But I wanted to talk to you about something,” Dad says. He presses his lips together then lets out a big exhale. “You haven’t told Ethan about Penn yet.”
My head snaps up. “That’swhat you want to talk about right now?”
He pauses, thinking through his words. “Ethan’s going to be going through a lot over the next few weeks, and I want you to be mindful of how you speak to him, okay? I also want to make sure you’ve thought this through.”
“Thought what through?”
“That Penn really is the perfect place for you.” Dad raises his hands like he’s trying to preemptively calm me down, which is annoying because his instincts are right. My heart rate picks up, and I’m crafting my retort in my mind.Yes, obviously. I’ve done the research and—“Your mother and I had such formative experiences at Cornell. Gil and Paula, too. I was so looking forward to you going, for us having something else we can share.” His phone buzzes, and he grabs it, covering the screen. “I’ve got to take this. I’m sorry I upset you, Luce.”
Dad takes his coffee and slips into his study, closing the door behind him. I clench my hands into fists, notice the tension in my shoulders, the square set of my jaw. Dad’s not-so-subtle attempt at pressuring me has only made me surer that I need to go to Penn and carve my own path. I look down at my phone to see a text from Erica.
Can you come to Dylan’s? He’s having people over soon so no one has to be alone. Little vigil-type thing. I need you there.
I respond right away.Of course.
I’m freaking out, she texts.
Do you want me to pick you up?I ask.
No. I’m going to ride my bike. Just meet me there.
In the bathroom, I run through my everyday makeup routine, the familiar steps comforting as I swipe blush on my cheeks, mascara on my lashes. I’ve long known that feeling put-together is the first step towardbeingput-together, and today is no exception. I purse my lips and smooth out my hair, watching my waves bounce into place. Whatever today brings, I will be ready.
Pretty soon I’m at the Silvers’ back door, knocking on the glass, trying to get Paula’s attention while she flips French toast in the kitchen. As soon as she sees me, her mouth puckers, and she rushes over to slide open the door. “Lucy,” she says, running a hand over her hair. “How’re you doing, sweetie?”
“Holding up,” I say, and Paula clutches her spatula to her chest. “Is Ethan ready? Everyone is gathering at Dylan’s, and I thought we’d go together.” Best not to let her know I haven’t heard from him yet.
Paula’s eyes flit to the staircase leading upstairs and then back to me. “He’s still sleeping. I think we should let him rest.”
“Of course,” I say, lingering.
“I’ll have him call you. Breakfast before you go?” she asks, waving her spatula in the air, but I shake my head and get back on my bike.
As I turn onto Pelican Island Road, it’s impossible to shake the strange feeling churning in my stomach. There’s somethingoffabout Ethan’s behavior. How he went to the party without telling me, knew Olivia was in town and didn’t warn me, and also failed to text me after he left the police station. I’ve never known him to lie to me or to withhold information, and it seems like this weekend, he’s doneboth. Obviously, there are reasonable explanations for all of these things, but I wish I could get him alone so I could hear them and stop worrying.
Because what I’m really worried about is this: What if he’s acting weird because he knows I’m lying?
I blow a puff of air out of my mouth. That’s not possible. Erica wouldn’t have told him and neither would my parents.
Ridiculous. I’m being ridiculous.
I have to focus on the road and get to Dylan’s. That’s all.
