“But...”
“The whole camp probably knows by now. Hell, everyone in the citydefinitelyknows. Ava’s life as she knew it is officially over.”
But all I can think about is the fact that Ava told Imogen and not me. And Imogen never thought to clue me in. Is it because I wouldn’t get it? I wouldn’t understand the high-stakes world they come from and how one bad decision could lead to a million smaller ones that could rip lives apart? If anything, I know that better than both of them.
My eyes start to burn and I bite my lip, forcing myself not to cry.
Imogen looks at me and reaches a hand out to squeeze my shoulder. “Come on, Goldie, don’t be like this. We have to be there for Ava right now.”
I hate that she knows what I’m thinking. But it’s only half of it. If Ava knew about her dad—and if Heller confronted her about it in the dinghy that night—then Ava had a perfect motive to killHeller, to keep him quiet. And the idea that Ava could actually do that... the realization makes my blood run cold.
“Ava made me promise not to tell. It’s not like she was proud of it.”
“Yeah, well, I tell you everything.” But as soon as the words leave my lips, I regret them.
She looks at me hard then, with knowing, suspicious eyes. “Do you, Goldie? Do you really?”
I take a step back, wondering what she knows as she walks away.
CHAPTER 44
Then
The last time I visited Ava in the city was in early October. Excelsior Prep homecoming. That Friday night, I stepped off a bus that stunk like blue cheese and walked into the bowels of Port Authority Bus Terminal. I spun around, searching for Ava and Imogen, who said they’d meet me there. The stench of sticky buns and garbage filled my nostrils and I blinked, trying to take it all in. Coming to New York always felt like preparing for battle. This time was no different.
It only took a second before Ava and Imogen appeared, wearing silky tops and glitter on their cheeks. They held big plastic bottles of water and were teetering on stilettos, giggling and grasping each other’s hands. “Oh my god, there she is!” Ava screamed. She toddled toward me on her heels and nearly tackled me to the ground. Imogen grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me and pulling me toward her.
They were wasted and giddy, and Ava grabbed my duffel bag, slinging it over her shoulder. “Come on, my favorite pizza’s on Bleecker, but there’s a passable spot around the corner, and after the night we’ve had, weneedpizza.”
The exhaustion I’d been carrying moments before was replaced with desire—desire for them, for their night to be one we shared,and for them to forget they had ever been apart from me. So, I let them drag me to a pizza counter, where we wolfed down plain slices sprinkled with parm and red pepper flakes. Ava’s phone buzzed, but she refused to pick it up, and instead, she and Imogen regaled me with stories about the party they had been to at the Bowery Hotel, where some kid rented a suite and hired a DJ and there were personal mini bottles of Veuve being passed around like Diet Coke cans. I nodded and laughed and sat on my hands to stop them from shaking. And when we were done, we shoved our grease-soaked paper plates into a trash can and let Ava hail us a taxi heading uptown.
We snuggled in the back, and as we zipped up Park Avenue, I remember thinking,This is the beginning. This is the start of my new life.
Ava lives in one of those old doorman buildings that looks like a museum and takes up a whole block. It has its own courtyard, roof deck, pool, and shuttle service that will take you to the airport.
That night, we stepped into the elevator, operated by a white-bearded guy named Nicky, who always handed us peppermint candies from the pocket of his smart gray uniform. We took turns sticking out our tongues until the doors opened on Ava’s floor, right into her doorway, since her mom owned the whole floor. It wasn’t the penthouse she had lived in with both her parents, but it was only two floors down. It never ceased to take my breath away, how this whole three-sixty view of Manhattan was hers.
The next morning, Ava woke us up early so we could grab bagels and lox before the rush. The fish melted on my tongue and I had my first taste of roe, letting the little orange bubbles burst inside my mouth.
At some point the doorbell rang and Ava squealed. “I have a surprise for you guys.”
Imogen raised her eyebrows but gave a knowing look. “You didn’t...”
Ava shrugged and skipped to the door.
“What did she do?’ I asked Imogen, but Ava returned before she could respond. Behind her was a team of chic-looking people, carrying suitcases. They set them down and unzipped the bags, revealing blow-dryers, hot tools, and more makeup than I’d ever seen outside of a drugstore.
Imogen kicked her feet in the air and leapt off the couch. “Ava, you nut!” But she threw her arms around Ava, who laughed and laughed.
“It’s the least I can do since you guys came all this way and weneverget this kind of time together.”
“Wow,” I said. “Thank you so much, Ava, I mean...” I didn’t know what to say, how I could repay her for such an extravagant gift.
But Ava stopped me before I could say anything else. She wrapped an arm around me and kissed my cheek. “How often does Goldie Easton come to New York?” she asked.
I blushed but then Ava introduced Paul and the rest of the members of her glam squad, dropping little details about what fashion shows they worked and which celebrities they attended to. I smiled and nodded as my stomach flipped, the smoked salmon I had enjoyed suddenly sour.
An hour later, when Paul spun me around in the stool at Ava’s breakfast bar so I could look at myself in the mirror, I gasped, barely recognizing myself.
