“He told me at the memorial.” I squeeze my eyes shut and whisper Jordan’s words. “ ‘That fucker got what he deserved.’ That’s what he said.”
Cal eyes go wide and he drops his arms by his sides.
“What if Jordan was confronting Heller?” I ask. “What if he wanted revenge on Heller for what heactuallydid to Dylan?”
You don’t say those kinds of things. Not about the golden boy of Roxwood.
Cal shakes his head. “No way. Jordan’s my boy. That guy loved Heller like a brother.”
“Except Heller hurt hisactualbrother.”
We’re both quiet as the fireworks explode above. My gut is telling me something wasn’t right about the way Jordan Adler spoke of Heller, but my gut has been wrong about so much. I once thought Heller would come clean. Cal, too. But neither of them did. So why would I trust myself in this instance?
After another firework, Cal speaks. “How does he know?”
I shake my head. “Didn’t say.”
“And he never once said anything?”
“Neither did you.”
Cal steps back like I’ve slapped him. The silence between us stretches on. Until I realize he didn’t answer my first question.
“Why wereyouhere that night?”
Cal sighs. “I was looking for answers.” His voice is small and he looks up again at the fireworks. “I know you are, too. Maybe... maybe we can help each other?”
“The last time I thought you’d help me, I was sorely disappointed.”
“You don’t know anything.” Cal’s jaw tightens.
“I know Jordan’s not the only one who knew Heller was driving.Yousaw him behind the wheel.Youcould have come forward and told the truth.Youcould have stopped everyone from making my life hell.”
Cal narrows his eyes and leans over. For a second, I think he’s going to puke, but then he looks right at me, like he’s going to say something important. But he doesn’t. He toes the ground with his shoe.
I throw my hands up. “Great. Stay silent like you always do.”
Cal’s fury bubbles to the surface and he stares at me, his gaze sharp. “I know you’re mad. You should be. Grief is fucked up. When my mom died...” He shakes his head. “All I felt was rage. But right now, I want to find out the truth about Heller.”
He looks down at the ID badge in his hand. “Whether Jordan had anything to do with this or not, I need to find out whathappened.” His back straightens and he looks right at me. “He died here. You’re the only person from Roxwood who has access to Camp Alpine Lake.”
“You need my help.”
Cal nods begrudgingly.
I squeeze my eyes shut and picture Heller. The curves along his biceps. The way his chest rose and fell when he slept peacefully beside me. I think about his plans, all the things he still had left to do in this world. I recall the horror in his eyes when he saw Dylan lying in the road, his legs contorted. I think about what I sacrificed to help him achieve his dreams.
I don’t owe Heller anything. But I know if I say no to Cal now, I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering what happened to the boy whose future I put before my own.
“Okay,” I say.
“Okay?”
“I’ll help you find out what happened.”
Cal’s face breaks out in relief. “Thank you, Goldie, seriously. I—”
“On one condition,” I say. “After we figure this out, I’m going to tell the truth. I’m going to come clean about what happened and I want you to back me up. Everyone needs to know the truth.”
