Even now, Heller has the power to make my stomach spasm, a lump form in my throat. He’s wearing a nearly see-through Roxwood varsity hockey T-shirt and navy shorts that hang low on his hips. His jaw is a hard square, all edges and straight lines. He bows his head, laughing with confidence as his curls flop messily to one side. If I look closely, I think I can see his silver necklace dangling against his chest, a lightning bolt charm tucked between his skin and the thin cotton fabric. He never takes it off.
I squeeze my eyes shut and remember his touch, how soft hisfinger pads were as they grazed the tender area of my stomach and how his palm was warm and assuring, rubbing my back as I drifted off to sleep in the back seat of his truck. If I block out the whole bar, I can still hear him whisper in my ear, “Finally.”
“Heller McConnell,” I say, my voice raw like a scab. “He’s another loser.”
“Maybe I can fuck withloserthis summer.” Ava downs the rest of her drink and steps toward them.
“Wait,” I say, grabbing on to her elbow. Panic rises in my throat. “You can’t even bring him back to camp. It’s not worth it.”It would also break my heart.
“Aw, come on,” Ava says, yanking her arm away. “Let me have my fun.”
I look to Imogen for backup, but she rolls her eyes and turns to Tommy. We both know how hard it is to talk Ava out of something she wants.
“Come with,” Ava says, and tosses her hair over her shoulder.
I try to protest, but Ava grabs my wrist and yanks me with her over to the pool table. I clench my fists as Ava juts her hip out.
“Who’s willing to let me whoop their ass?” she says. The boys turn to us and I try not to crawl out of my skin as they look to Ava.
“You tryna play?” Cal asks her, a playful smile forming on his lips.
Ava smirks. “You gonna let me?”
I glance at Heller to find him looking down, his eyes hidden behind his curls. I wonder if he realizesthisis Ava Cantor, that Imogen Wexler’s around here, too. I take a step back, hoping to retreat, but I should have known better than to make any sudden moves.
“Not if you’re with this one,” Cal says, nodding in my direction.
Ava throws her arm around my shoulder, holding me close so I can’t escape. “Aw, you guys are jealous of our Alpine Lake night off, I see.” She smiles, but the boys don’t.
“That explains it,” Dylan’s brother, Jordan, says, looking Ava up and down with eyes I want to gauge out.
“What?” Ava asks, her focus on Heller.
“Why you’d hang out with Goldie.” Jordan shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest.
Cal laughs and someone else slaps Jordan’s back in encouragement. Heller takes a sip of beer and lifts his gaze, but it doesn’t land on me. Instead, he’s drinking Ava in with the same look he used to give me.
My cheeks burn and I crack my knuckles. “Let’s go back to Imogen,” I say, tugging on her hand. Heller lifts his head fast, almost with concern. Or maybe intrigue. I confirmed his suspicion, that the stunning, sophisticated girl standing next to me is indeed Ava. He always asked questions about her. Imogen, too. Was bitter that I hadn’t told my camp friends about him. There were reasons. They seem so silly now.
Ava’s planted firmly in place. She hugs me to her even tighter and I know she’s going to defend me, which will make everything worse.
“Oh my god, there is no way you actually think you’re hot shit. You know that, right?” Ava’s heated now. “When was the last time you even left Vermont?”
Jordan looks at Ava like he wants to break her in half.
“We don’t fuck with Goldie,” Cal says. “Plain and simple.”
Ava looks confused, but I’m not. I know this game. I’ve been playing it for months.
“Why don’t you two go back over there?” Heller says, his voice soft but stern. It sends a shiver down my spine, so familiar it hurts. But still, he doesn’t look at me. His eyes stay locked on Ava. The other guys shut up. They know Heller’s in charge. Always has been.
“Well, fuck you, too,” Ava says, her mouth curled in a smile. “Come on, Goldie.” She spins on her heel, and I follow her back to Imogen and the rest of the Alpine Lake crew, my heart beating so fast I think my chest will explode.
Ava sets her drink down on our table hard. “Goldie has some enemies, you guys!” she calls out, like it’s the most hilarious thing in the world. “What did you do, break their hearts or something?”
My limbs are like jelly and all I want to do is go home, back to Bloodroot, and crawl into bed for days. But I force myself to perch on a stool and grip the edge of the table so hard my knuckles turn white. “Something like that.” I laugh. A deep hearty chuckle that sounds real. I hope.
Ava throws her arms around me again and kisses the top of my head. “Fuck ’em!” she shouts, holding her glass up into the air.
