“So?” Jake countered. “Others have done it before.” No one questioned if this was true or not.
Shaila’s eyes hardened. “Fine.”
Adam stepped forward as if to appease her. “I’ll be there, too,” he said, his voice kinder now. “I’ll be monitoring yours.”
Shaila’s face softened and I felt my shoulders relax a little. I grabbed her hand and she squeezed it. She turned to me and her eyes were wide and scared. “Don’t let them see you hurt,” she whispered. I nodded and then she turned and trotted off behind Adam, toward Ocean Cliff jutting out over the shore. That was the last time I saw her alive.
Suddenly Jake appeared by my side. “Come on, Newman.” His voice was deep with no emotion.
He led me to Tina’s house, which was bright and airy, decorated with shades of white and gray and blue. “Here,” he said, motioning to a set of stairs behind a door in the kitchen. I followed him down into an unfinished basement that smelled like musk and mildew. I scrunched up my nose and tried to ignore the fear churning in my stomach. Jake walked to the back corner and opened a small doorway that only went up to his shoulders. “You might want to get on your knees,” he said. A menacing smile spread across his face. I did as he said and held my breath as I crawled into the dark space, feeling my way around the cold cement floor. The whole room was about as big as a full-size bed. Jake knelt down and tossed me a blanket and an unmarked glass bottle. “Provisions.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“I’ll be back soon,” he said. He shut the door and I heard the lock slide into place with aclick.
I inhaled deeply, smelling plaster and glue. Then I spread the blanket around as best I could and lay down, trying to pretend like I was in my own bed at home, looking up at the plastic stars on my ceiling. At first, it was okay, just a little uncomfortable; I could barely sit up, the space was so small. But then I started to hear things, or at least I thought I did. Mice crawling through the walls. Banging from the floor above. It was all too much, too scary, too surreal. Then it became torturous, like the walls were caving in around me. My heart raced and my fingers trembled. I shuffled over to the door just to see if I could get it open. I shoved my shoulder against the entrance, but it stayed put, like something was pushed up against the door. That’s whenI started to panic. My chest tightened and there was only one option, only one way to get through this all.
I sat back on the blanket and brought the bottle to my lips. I took a generous sip. The liquid smelled like gasoline and was harsher than vodka. But I was grateful for something... anything to be a distraction. I took a big gulp and then another, letting the vile liquid give way to a numb, tingly feeling. It wasn’t just strong, it tasted rancid—chemical.
Then I disappeared.
—
I came to hours later. I swear I heard a scream—a wrenching, bloodcurdling scream. Was it my own strangled voice? Was it far off in the distance? It didn’t matter because I was safe, I figured. I must have been because I had been moved somewhere with a window, though no sunshine came through. I was on a bed, I knew, because there were sheets, soft beneath my bare legs. Above ground, I realized. It had to be because a flame licked the window. A bonfire, I determined, raging just outside in the backyard. It was so close. So was the group. I could hear them. Was it over? Did I pass? I must have. But then why wasn’t I with the others? Why was I alone?
Until I realized I wasn’t.
“You smell like a s’more.” He whispered the words, slurring a bit. Adam must have found me. I felt a pang of relief. Then his tongue slithered into my ear. The warm, wet heat was shocking and forced me to tense, to try to sit up. But I couldn’t move.
“Shh... It’s okay.” His face came into focus and in an instant, I realized it was not Adam. It was Jake. Hovering overme. Pinning my arms over my head. Up against me. Waiting. Patient, but not really.
“What...”
“You made it through,” he said again. “You passed the test.” His tongue found its way into my ear again and I shook my head, as if trying to swat away a fly. The room spun around me.
I tried to pull away but Jake was so big, like a giant brick. “I don’t feel well,” I said, my head swimming.
“C’mon,” he said, his mouth moving over my neck. “Let’s celebrate.”
My limbs were so heavy. I just wanted everything to stop.
“No,” I said softly. “No.” Jake laughed and moved his hands lower, lifting my sweatshirt. His touch was freezing and I shivered.
“See? It’s nice,” he said. “Aren’t you going to thank me for helping you get through it?” I tried to wiggle out from under him, but Jake tugged my wrists down by my sides. I was immobile, unable to think. I wanted so desperately to leave, to join the group, to go home, to find Shaila. Had she jumped? Had she passed, too? Was it easier to succumb? To let my brain leave my body? Suddenly, the door squeaked open.
“Dude.” It was Adam. I recognized his voice. “What are you doing?”
“You know what I’m doing.” Jake whipped his head around and in his profile I saw a wide, scary smile. I wanted to run, to use this free moment to crawl to the floor, to get away completely.
“She’s wasted.”
“What, you’re a cop now?”
“Let’s just get a drink. It’s not worth it.” Adam kicked the door open farther so more light streamed in.
Jake rolled his eyes, indifferent, over it. “Whatever.” Finally, he rose and retreated from the room. “You’re no fun, bro,” he called on his way out.
“Adam,” I tried to say, but it came out like garbled mush. I reached for him but my arms stayed on the bed, too heavy to lift.
