“I told her, by the way,” Alexis continues. “She said she would make, like, a vegetarian dish if she had time.”
“It’s fine,” I repeat, sounding like a broken cassette. “You gotta show me the rest of the class.”
She grins. “Where were we?”
I nod at the photo of the football players huddled next to one another, posing for the camera.
“Ah, yes,” she says, and starts rattling off their names and if they’re rumored to be bad or good at sex. I space out, not following. Mostly because they all look the same in their uniforms.
“They’re not…” I say when she takes a deep breath. She looks at me quizzically. I clear my throat. “There are no Muslims at school, right?”
She crinkles her nose, thinking. “Nope. You’ll be the first.”
Thought so.
She notices my dejection and pats my arm. “You’ll have me. And Jenny, Nicole, and Hayley.”
I tilt my head. “Which Jenny? The original who dated Luke?”
She snaps her fingers. “The original. Good, you’re paying attention.”
We laugh, and for one tiny second, I don’t feel hollow inside.
“So everyone at school has known each other their entire lives?” I fold my legs toward my chest.
Alexis nods. “Some have been at Braxton since kindergarten, but most have been attending since middle school. Like me. Oh, there was one transfer at the start of high school.”
“Who?”
“Jamie Murphy. He moved from Wisconsin with his family in tenth grade. They work in tech or something else, I don’t know.”
I nod.
“But he’s so hot.” She sighs dreamily. “He’s got that corn-fed build like he spent his time there dragging logs across his family farm or something. His shoulders. Oh my God, don’t get me started on his shoulders!”
“I won’t,” I say, amused. “He’s a crush?”
She shrugs, batting her eyelashes. “Maybe. I mean, half the school has a crush on him. He’s…”
“Not like other boys?” I say dryly.
She chuckles. “No. He just has this charisma. When he talks to you, it’s like you’re the only one who matters. He gives his full and undivided attention. It’s… nice.”
“A good Midwestern boy,” I muse.
“Oh, yes. Always says his pleases and thank-yous.”
We fall quiet.
“I think that’s all.” Alexis closes her laptop. “We should head down for dinner.”
I nod, already planning to stay for only half an hour. Thankfully, the days are still long. I don’t want to go back when it’s dark. My fingers tingle, and I hide them in my pockets.
Alexis touches my arm, and I look at her. “Are you okay? Like, not just the colors. But… you know?”
I swallow hard. I’m not sure how to tell her about this void inside me. I don’t want to be her weird friend at school. I don’t want her to look at me like I might shatter at any second. I want to be fun and interesting, even though I have no energy. I’m sure Alexis knows she’s my only friend, and even in this friendship, there are things I can’t bring myself to say. To show.
I know there’s an unspoken divide between us. We live on two separate planets, and I don’t want to make the distance between us wider. I don’t see her as much as I want to. She has her own life, and I am a childhood friend who’s still running after her.
