Jamie holds out a hand in front of me. “Are you okay?” He watches me with such concern that my heart hurts in a different way. The red color of his soul becomes warm. The red of my blood calming down in response.
It makes me want to tell him thatNo, I’m not okay.I haven’t been okay in over a year.
It makes me want to be honest. About everything.
“I will be,” I say instead.
He glances at the floor for a second before we start walking. We don’t say another word until we’re at the library.
It’s bigger than the one my public school has and is filled to the brim with books. The floors are clean and vacuumed, no dust bunnies multiplying in corners. There are several spotless tables, no numbers or slurs carved into the wood. To one side are three “bubble rooms” that isolate sound for a more concentrated studying experience. They even have a little electronic screen that shows who booked the room.
The middle one is reserved for the two of us. Jamie opens the door for me. Two large cups of coffee wait on the wide glass table.
“This is why I wanted the twenty minutes.” He sits. “My treat.”
The tally of what I owe him is increasing. It’s a kind gesture. I don’t think anyone has treated me to anything forever. Someone who isn’t Amal or, sometimes, Alexis. But Alexis still hasn’t offered me her class notes. Is she waiting for me to ask?
“Thank you.” I smile, picking up my coffee carefully. It warms me all the way to my toes, melting away frigid fear.
When I glance at him, he looks dazed, and a pink blush is splattered on his cheeks.
He scratches his nose. “I, uh, wasn’t sure what you liked, so I played it safe and got a vanilla latte. Is that okay?”
I nod, feeling oddly happy and perfectly distracted from what just happened. “I’ve had it once before. Well, not in a coffee shop, but my older sister went through a coffee phase during college. And she used to make different coffee recipes at home.”
“Oh, you have an older sister. Are you the youngest?” He inches closer to the desk, hand under his chin.
“Yes. Just us two girls. You?”
“Only son. Only kid. You’re from New York?”
“Queens. And you’re from Wisconsin,” I say, and immediately clamp my lips together.
He raises his eyebrows.
I hide my face behind my hands, knowing I’m blushing a neon red. “I—I didn’t stalk you,” I splutter.
“I didn’t say you did.” He presses the back of his hand to his mouth, trying not to laugh.
“Alexis gave me an orientation session before school started.”
He presses a hand to his heart. “Aw, and you remembered me out of everyone in the school?”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. She mentioned you were newish like me. That’s why it stuck.”
He nods in a serious manner. “Sure it is.”
My lips twitch with a smile. “How are you finding New York?”
He takes a sip from his coffee. “Loud. I haven’t really gotten used to that. We lived on a farm in Wisconsin. My grandmother owns it. Over fifteen hundred acres. It’s got horses, sheep, cows, chickens. So many trees. Lake Michigan is forty minutes away. I grew up there, and when you actually sleep under the stars, everything else pales in comparison.”
I think of San Francisco, of the deep blue ocean. I hear the cars on I-80 so clearly.
“I imagine it does,” I say. “Why did you move?”
“Well, my parents have been living here for a while. My grandmother raised me for most of my life. They were too busy with work to be home, so I lived with Bà Ngo?i.”
“Bà Ngo?i?” I ask, confused.
