I press my hands to my face, trying to take in deep breaths.
No one knows it’s me.
But deep down, more than the relief, I want to draw again. I want everyone to see Mama’s story. All the moments that made her who she was. Her death made no sound, but I can keep her alive in the murals I’ll draw. I can make her into a blessing.
“Where the hell were you?” Alexis says, and I look up from my desk. The red polka dots in her hair tie glimmer.
It’s chemistry, the last period, and I’ve successfully spent the entire day alone or in Jamie’s presence. He’s not here yet, the chair beside me empty.
“Around,” I reply dully. “Are we not fighting anymore?”
She chews the inside of her cheek. “No. I’ve decided to be the bigger person.”
I raise my eyebrows.
She shrugs one shoulder, trying to look nonchalant. “Do you want to stay the smaller person?”
My lips twitch. “So we’ll both be the bigger person and admit we were both wrong?”
She nods and smiles, which makes me smile. She turns serious for a second, scratching the table. “Mason was awful. But honestly, he’s like that with everyone. It’s his way of joking.” When she sees the look on my face, she hurriedly adds, “Which, I totally agree, is not cool. But, like, it’s mutual. For example, he’s teased Andrew for his braces, and Andrew made fun of his crooked nose. You just have to give him shit back.”
“I—I don’t know, Lexi,” I say, feeling the heat at the back of my neck.
She looks around her and drops into the empty seat beside me. “I didn’t like Mason when I first met him. He called me frog face.”
“What the hell?”
She holds up a hand. “But then we got paired for biology homework, and he apologized for what he said. What I’m saying is, this is just the first layer. Trust me; I wouldn’t be with someone who is actually horrible. And I’m going to talk to him about what he did.” She glances at her hands. “I’m sorry I said you’re impossible to be friends with. I didn’t mean that.”
A knot rises in my throat. Those words were salt to a wound I’ve carried all my life. I think of telling her about Adrian yesterday, but I don’t want to cause trouble. I was probably imagining things. So I say, “Thanks.”
“Are we okay?” She pokes my shoulder.
I smile. “Yeah, we’re okay.” I take in a deep breath. “Guess what. I can see red now.”
She gasps. “Shut up!”
Her joy is real, and I clasp it my hands, telling myself she cares for me exactly as I care for her. This friendship means something to her. It’s not an afterthought. “Yeah! It came back this morning.”
“That’s amazing, Ji.” She leans back in her seat. “Why now, though?”
I don’t want to tell her about the murals. Not that she wouldn’t believe me, but because this is something I want to keep for myself for now. This piece of me I want to discover more of. I wonder if Alexis recognized my style of painting, though she hasn’t seen it in over a year.
I shrug. “Not sure. It’s a good sign, though. Hopefully, I’ll get the colors back before I start at Opus.”
She snaps her fingers. “Right. When will you send your art piece?”
“I have until June, but I want to send it before.” My fingers tingle with anticipation and anxiety. I already applied in January; I was accepted for the second round, which I didn’t think was going to happen. They want an art piece from me, which is what they base the bulk of their decision on. Opus operates on a rolling deadline. The weight of the decision falls on the art you create. Because of this, they allow applicants to send in their pieces until the middle of June. I want to send my sketchbook that I’ve had since I was nine. It still has a few pages to be filled out.
“It’ll be fine. Do you want to come over after school? The girls are coming back to my place. I think it would be good to have some time with them.”
“Hey!” someone says beside me. Jamie places his bag on the floor and nods at Alexis. “Hi, Alexis, you sitting here?”
“Nope!” Alexis chirps a few octaves higher, and her shoulders immediately tense. She stands, clearing her throat. “All yours!”
Her voice is still high, and her expression screamsKill me. Jamie doesn’t notice and slides into the empty chair, thanking her.
“I would love to,” I say to Alexis, continuing our conversation, “but I actually have some homework stuff to go over with Jamie after school.”
