I groan and roll onto my back, wincing when my hair is pulled taut.
My ceiling brings me comfort, and I can almost see the waves moving.
But in the end, it’s just a painting. It won’t compare to the real thing. The colorswillbe there. I can find them in the sand. Maybe the ocean water would paint me blue and the sun’s rays would make me glow like gold. Maybe my body will become translucent, and I will take in every color.
Braxton, a means to an end,wouldmake that real.
Blowing a puff of air that makes the curl plastered on my face flutter, I get up and sit by my desk, taking out my books.
Halfway through listening to the physics lecture, my phone rings and I answer it breathlessly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Alexis says.
I fidget with my fingers.
“Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah,” I reply, not knowing how to bring up what happened during lunch.
“It was weird with the girls.”
I run a hand through my hair. “I…I thought they knew my name.”
“Yeah, about that,” she says, and I hear the apology in her tone. “I honestly thought I’d told them. But I’ve so rarely called you by your full name, I suppose I didn’t. They didn’t mean any harm, though. They did think it was a bit uncool the way you lashed out after they mentioned your mom.”
I blink, my back suddenly growing rigid. “What do you mean?”
“Look,Idon’t think that,” she adds hurriedly. “I know what happened. I’ve seen what it did to you. God, if it were me…I wouldn’t have handled it as well as you are.”
My stomach twists and twists and twists.
I’m not handling it well, I want to scream.I’m not handling it at all.
“They just thought your outburst was uncalled for because they were genuinely concerned for you. Just be—” She stops, taking in a deep breath.
“Be what?”
She sighs. “I don’t know. A bit nicer?”
She doesn’t bring up what Hayley said about changing my name.
“Right,” I say, and my voice sounds thin.
“Don’t be upset, Ji.” She sounds close to tears. “I don’t want—I just want you all to get along. I don’t want to be stuck between you and them. I promise, they’rereallynice.”
I take a deep breath, counting to five, letting that void swallow up all my negative emotions. That’s one of the good things about this emptiness inside me. There’s no space for anger or disappointment to fester. All are equal under the eyes of the void.
“Okay,” I finally say, my voice steady. “It was the first day of school. Things are always weird. I really think it’s a part of the liminal universe.”
“We are at the end of a part of our lives,” Alexis says. I can hear the relief in her voice. “Expect mild turbulence and memory loss. As well as indigestion.”
“Memory loss?”
She laughs. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”
I smile.
“So how were the classes? Did you take any notes?” she asks.
