The door opens and the teacher walks in, already speaking loudly at a hundred miles an hour. She’s a tall woman in a black sheath dress with a small slit at the back. Her pumps become the only sound in the room as everyone scrambles to their seats.
Alexis yelps. “Can I sit next to you?”
“I’m—” I begin, but Jamie has already moved one chair over.
Alexis nods at me before leaning in to whisper quickly, “I can’t sit next to him! He makes me flustered!”
I move one spot over immediately. Everyone around me opens their laptop or tablet, looking laser focused. Anxiety coils around my heart like a snake. With shaking hands, I take out my notebook and start writing what she’s saying, but my sentences end up jumbled and unfinished.
“Damn it,” I whisper, gripping my pen tightly.
“Hey,” Jamie whispers to me. He has the latest laptop model, a sleek silver thing that can probably take notes without him typing a thing. “I’ll send you my notes. Don’t worry.”
He smiles, and my chest constricts. Not because I’m uncomfortable, but because I’m not used to kindness from strangers. I’m used to how the woman from the administration was.
“Okay,” I say quietly. I never know what to say to new people, always scared I’ll say the wrong thing.
I fix my attention back to my notebook and try to take as many notes as I can. I don’t want to rely on Jamie. I don’t want to even ask Alexis for her notes. I can’t ask for help. Not from anyone. It makes my skin itch to be seen as a burden. So I do it on my own.
Charcoal Black
When the bellrings, chaos ensues, and everyone moves at lightning speed while I feel like a tortoise trying to put my notebook back into my bag.
“Let’s go!” Alexis says, hurriedly dumping her laptop into her bag before climbing down the stairs.
I grab my bag, moving toward her when Jamie asks, “What’s your email?”
“What?” I glance at him, distracted.
He nods toward the board at the front of the classroom. “To send you the notes.”
“Oh.” I fidget with the front of my jacket before nodding. He’s not all talk. But I’m still on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. If my father and sister have become strangers to me, why would this person whom I owe nothing help me?
He pivots his laptop toward me. “I promise I won’t send you spam emails.”
I don’t even crack a smile at his poor attempt at a joke, too occupied with wondering if Alexis left. But he doesn’t seem fazed in the least, still wearing his smile like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
“Okay. Thank you,” I say, and type it into his laptop.
“Would you like a tour of the school during lunch?” he asks when I gently push the laptop back to him. I don’t want that thing destroyed by accident.
“I—” I begin, my hands starting to feel clammy.
“Ji!” Alexis says, waving from where she’s standing by the lower desks with her friends. “Come on.”
Relief washes through me to see they’ve waited for me. I nod.
“Maybe another day.” I zip up my bag.
“All right,” he says easily. “See you in the next class.”
I ignore him, climbing down the stairs.
Alexis and her friends start walking out, and I follow them.
“Why did Jamie give you his laptop?” Nicole asks me as soon as we’re in the hallways, away from the classroom.
I blink. “Just wanted my email.”
