“Ji, are you there?” she asks.
“You know what, Alexis?” I rasp. “Fuck you. And fuck your friends.”
I end the call before she can say anything else.
The administrator’s eyes are wide when she sees the state I’m in. She asks me to sit while she lets the principal know I’m there. The colors in front of me are splashed in fiery shades, a vermilion red underlining them. They rage against their borders, spilling into one another all over the walls around me. They scorch the earth.
Dr. Mérieux’s eyebrows raise a fraction in surprise, and he gestures for me to sit down.
“What happened?” he asks, and I see him recoil a bit when the smell of my dirty gym clothes hits him.
I tell him. He listens carefully, hands joined in front of him. My voice wavers, but I dig my fingers into my thighs to ground myself. When I’m done, he stares at me for a long time before leaning back in his chair.
“Are you absolutely sure it was Nicole, Jenny, and Hayley?” he finally asks.
“I—” I falter.
“This is a serious, serious accusation, Miss Dabbagh,” he says gravely. “If they have done this, if you saw them do this, if anyone else can corroborate what you said, then they will face severe consequences.”
My ears ring. “I’m—I didn’t see them.”
Dr. Mérieux grimaces. “Then you can understand my hands are tied with this. It will be a she said, she said situation, yes? And I can’t have disgruntled parents come in here asking why I suspended their children with no evidence.”
“Look atme,” I say, my jaw trembling. “Iam the evidence.”
His gaze is pitying, and it burns me. “I know. I believe you. But there is nothing I can do.” He scratches his chin. “Do you have a friend you could always be with? Maybe the buddy who was assigned to you. Don’t go to places on your own.”
I gape at him, stuttering in a breath. “Right,” I whisper. “That’s it?”
He raises his hands. “If you can get someone to back up your story, then I can do something. Last time, you had Audrey, and I took care of it. Best I can do is move you to another gym class for the rest of the year. But you will have to attend your other classes.”
I don’t move, shocked out of my despair. He didn’t do anything. The jokes continued.
There’s no help for me here.
“Okay,” I finally say. “Okay.”
Dr. Mérieux gives one last sigh, and I sense this meeting is over, so I stand, thank him for his time, and leave.
Once I’m in the halls, I debate whether to go home or not. The makeshift hijab T-shirt is annoying, digging into my chin, and it’s squeezing my head in a way that’s giving me a headache.
I decide to go home and nurse my wounds. My sketchbook is gone for good, and I need to think of something else to submit to Opus. The I-80 is vanishing from the telescope.
Everyone I pass openly stares, and laughter follows me until I’m by the front doors. But a group of students gathered in the inner courtyard draws my attention, and dread circles me like sharks.
I walk slowly, pushing the glass doors, and those near the door glance back at me.
“Jihad?” I hear Jamie behind me and turn around to see the horror on his face.
Shame festers inside me. As if it’s my fault I look like this right now.
His eyes are drawn up, and I follow them.
“Oh no,” he whispers, and it’s like someone dragged a knife across my stomach, spilling out everything inside me. I’m the court’s jester, drenched in tomatoes the masses threw at me. I’m the punch line to the joke, and nothing I do matters. My dignity is a phantom, and I’m the only one desperate to keep it intact.
Because up there on the flagpole, torn and muddied, is my hijab, wrapped into a knot out of reach.
Void Black
