All the while, Nina poked and prodded. She found the holes in her memory where the light did not shine. She brought them to the surface and let the hurt of betrayal remind her of who she was.
The betrayal of the gods for using her to suit their needs.
The betrayal of her parents for not preparing her for this power.
The betrayal of Kasik, a man who confused honor with cowardice.
The betrayal of herself, to have ever believed she was no one to anyone.
Because she was someone. The emperor had chosen her. Thegodshad chosen her, and she had wished for nothing more than for them to forget her.
But they refused, and she would make it so they could never know anything else but her rage, never speak any other name than hers, never feel any other warmth but her fire.
She would become their greatest enemy, and she would destroy their world to remind them of what they made.
46
Snow soaked into the fur around Kasik’s neck and weighed him down as he pressed himself against Capac, urged him to go faster. It was only when he slipped from his seat that he realized his body was failing him, that the tea Chaska had given him was not enough. He landed on the cold earth with a thud and a groan. Capac, breathing heavily above him, nosed Kasik’s head worriedly.
“We cannot stop. We cannot let them win,” Chaska said as she attempted to lift him from the ground. Together, they slipped in the freshly fallen snow and got him to his knees, where he took a moment to breathe away the dizziness, and then to his feet, where he leaned heavily against Chaska for support.
Then he lifted a leg to mount Capac, and the achipuma, better than any achipuma there had ever been, lowered his body to accommodate Kasik’s weakness.
“Good boy,” Kasik whispered into his ear as he slowly, painfully, slid onto his back. This time, Chaska tied a rope around his and Capac’s bodies, so that Kasik could not fall off. He trusted Capac to follow Chaska.
The skin on his ribs and stomach was tender to the touch. He noticed the purpling when he finally got the courage to look and regretted it immediately, intimately aware of all the ways a man could die, ways that he himself had inflicted on others. Perhaps this was his penance, to die as he had killed, as he was meant to die before Nina had healed him.
When his vision began to blur, he knew he didn’t have much time. And yet Chaska was there, pushing him, encouraging him, remindinghim to keep going. She spoke to him to keep him awake, told him of her home, of the way she had wormed her way into the position she was in by convincing everyone that she was vain and unbothered and distracted. All while sneaking and learning and telling.
And she told him about that night, finding the door within the wall. It was Lord Anri she had met outside. The resistance belonged to them, and she was their ñusta. Maicu was nothing but a tool. A pawn that had delivered their greatest asset right to their doorstep.
“He has been convinced that giving Nina to the gods will earn him their favor, but it is Atik’s voice that whispers in his ear—not the gods. The sacrifice of her power will usher in the pachakuti. It will bring the gods back to the mortal realm. They believe it is their time to rule once again.”
For a moment, Kasik was back in the tent beneath Shayim’s cunning attention.
They yearn for thepachakuti—the turnover of time—to return them to power, and they use mortals like Maicu to do it.
Snow began to fall in earnest as they rode, a sheet of cold that blurred the edges of Kasik’s vision even further. He couldn’t feel his hands or his face.
It felt like he was floating. Like his body would be swept away into obscurity, like there would be nothing left of him but a memory. He hoped Nina would remember him. That his death would not be in vain. All he had to do was hold on.
47
The gods shoved Nina back into her body, forcing her to hear and see and think. Up ahead, their party had come to a stop, their bodies hardly visible through the falling snow. She could feel that Sacha was nearby, that tug in her chest relentlessly pulsing and pushing and begging Nina to come closer. She thought her sister safe, and now there she was, so close but so far.
Sluggishly, she turned her head to peer at Atik’s face and found him looking at the mountaintop with determination in his eyes. The achilla around his neck swirled as if full of life.
Nina stared at it, transfixed, until the kunay swung his body out of their seat and then reached out his hands to grasp Nina’s hips. Unable to feel her legs, she fell into him. Could do nothing as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.
“Careful, Atik,” Maicu hissed at him. She could feel his heart underneath the layers of his cloak and tunic, the way it beat frenzied and erratic.
Nina’s head throbbed as they trekked up a steep incline. Just when she thought they would tumble backward, fall all the way down to the bottom of the mountain, the ground leveled, and she was being placed on her own two feet.
The world tilted, and then it settled.
The sight took her breath away.
All around them, jagged mountain peaks stabbed into an endlessly steely gray and somber sky. Snow swirled, softening their voicesand footsteps. Ice covered thin branches and hung off in weapon-like shards. Below her feet was a circle of dark stone.
