“I only see the threads of life before me, and even then, the details are vague, but I can See that there is a war coming.”
Kasik scoffed. He couldn’t help it. “Now there is a war coming? What threat will it be next?”
Shayim’s lips quirked. Kasik knew he was being childish, but he didn’t care. “Twenty years ago, I told Emperor Yachua that I had Seen something strange in his threads, inallour threads. A flash of a man bleached of color, like an apparition that I could only See the impression of, but could not ascertain when, or how, or from where they would come. The kukuchi, we had called them.” Shayim paused, eyes distant as if reaching into the past. “The gods mean to use the chaos to their advantage. It will change everything.”
“That is...” Nina started, but her brow furrowed, and her words drifted off.
“Convenient,” Kasik finished for her. “And that is your excuse for shirking your responsibilities to this land, to your people? A fear of some distant, unclear threat? Your delusion puts them in danger. Whatever fight you think there is, you cannot fight it and win. The emperor haspower—truepower—and you consign all your people to death by going against him.”
Kasik stood so that Shayim had to crane her head to meet his eyes, which she held unflinchingly. She was not afraid of him, not by any means. “I will keep your secret, if only so that the deaths of your people do not belong to me. They solely belong to you.” Then he turned to Nina, who watched him warily. “We’ll gonow,” he said.
“Kasik.” She said his name so softly, it was almost his undoing. “We should wait until morning. Ask Shayim your questions.”
But Kasik had had enough. There was no more time to wait. He whirled away, unable to look at her a moment longer without saying the wrong thing. “We cannot stay, Nina. And I do notwantto ask questions.”
“Now who lies?” Shayim mumbled. Kasik ignored her.
When he spoke, he looked only at the wall of the tent. The green fabric blurred in his vision. He told himself it was frustration and exhaustion, nothing more. At his back, he heard the whisper of the tent flap shifting aside and knew that Shayim was gone. “You will come willingly, or I will be forced to drag you away from here.”
“You cannot force me to do anything at all.” Nina’s voice was low and lethal. He could imagine the hatred that lined her mouth and the betrayal in her eyes. He had seen it earlier when he had told her she couldn’t stay. This time, it was strengthened by the truth of what she was capable of.
Kasik’s anger toward her was irrational. It was better blamed on the fact that he had thought he had no family besides his tayta, and suddenly he did, and he was being forced to confront the possibility that everything he had believed his whole life might be a lie.
That Atik, cruel and inflexible, was a liar, something that seemed incongruent with his narrow-minded, rigid worldview.
He knew all this, and yet he turned and stepped closer to where Nina stood with her shoulders back and her chin held high, his voice low so no one else could hear. “Will you stop me like you stopped those men? Will you let your power turn you into a monster?”
“If I am a monster for protecting them,” she said, gesturing to where the entrance of the tent and Shayim stood, “then so be it. It is the gods who have made me this way, and I will not be made to suffer guilt because of it.”
“Yourpowerdoesn’t make you who you are. Yourchoicesdo, and the choice of life or death does not belong in the hands of man.” Kasik gave her his back, daring her to stop him. “I’ll gather the achipumas while you say your goodbyes.”
And then he walked away, uncertain if Nina would follow.
25
Kasik left the tent in a whirlwind of anger and insecurity. Nina could feel it in his threads, her attay heightened along with her emotions to the point where she could see life and will in all corners of her vision. It was overpowering and nauseating and exhilarating all at once. It also told her that she had no intention to harm Kasik, even subconsciously, since the achilla was still around his neck. If he had remembered that, perhaps he would have thought twice about calling her a monster.
But regardless, she knew it was exactly what he thought, and it hurt her more than she could have imagined. Still, she followed him out of the tent. Still, she watched him walk away, wishing things could be different.
“It is difficult,” Shayim started, her eyes also pinned to the shrinking image of Kasik, “to ascertain who is an enemy and who is simply too afraid to enact change, and therefore an enemy by default.”
The woman grabbed Nina’s hand as they stood side by side. With that touch, it was as if Shayim’s soul whispered to her. Her threads blazed bright, and Nina had to close her eyes against them. “The time will come when you will be forced to decide whoyourenemy is. I cannot tell you how it will end, but you must always remember who you are, and that you are meant for more than what anyone tells you.”
The words penetrated Nina’s heart in a way that reminded her how deeply she craved her mamay’s presence. It was she who could tell Nina who she was, for Nina could not tell it to herself. She simply did not know. Her life had been simple, one day after the next, the same as the day before, and she had never been forced to consider what choices she would make amid trials and tribulations.
Now there were heaps of choices at her feet, at herfingertips, and she was expected to navigate them with wisdom and justice. She could not be blamed for who she became from the weight of it.
When Kasik returned, he had two achipuma with him. Capac, as dark as the night surrounding them, his ears halfway back and his eyes wide, and a smaller achipuma who sat with a huff at Kasik’s feet.
“This is Illari,” Kasik said. “She was stolen on my way to collect you.”
Nina approached the achipuma with an extended hand. Illari leaned forward and sniffed it, then promptly placed her head against Nina’s palm. She was soft and warm, and so very trusting. Nina wanted to bury her face in Illari’s fur, to close her eyes and inhale deeply and exhale this tension in her bones and deep within her soul that felt like she was being suffocated.
Illari stayed perfectly still as Nina mounted her. The smaller achipuma fit better between her legs, and there was plenty of space without Kasik behind her. She didnotmiss his warmth, or the pressure of him that had held her together that first day. Nina did not need anyone to hold her together now, and she promised herself she wouldn’t need it ever again.
Behind her, the sounds of the ayllu continued as if nothing had happened. Smoke from the communal fire rose high in the sky and Nina closed her eyes, inhaling what she instinctively knew to be her last memories from this place. The side of her face warmed with attention. She was wary to turn, to meet Kasik’s eyes, to see the judgment and the disappointment, and face the consequences of her actions.
In hindsight, Nina had been reckless and brash. With a bit of coercing and guidance, she could have brought those men to their knees untilHatun and the others in the ayllu subdued them. She could have let them go. Let them return to the emperor and divulge all their secrets.
