“What the hell you mean, how do I feel? She’s leaving me.”
He had a point. “Have you… maybe you should try therapy.”
“For what?”
“To help you cope with everything.”
“What they got to tell me I don’t already know?” He pressed his hand to the wall, wobbling to a stand. He was hobbling down the hallway with his crutches when, in a last-ditch effort, I called, “I’m here if you wanna talk.”
Nia’s accusation was a knife turning in my stomach. I served shitty food. I failed to write what was in my heart. I wanted what I wanted no matter the moral price. I was not the kind of person who changed the world. I was the kind of person who wandered it, lost.
I watched my dad’s back disappear into his room, feeling young and useless, like everything I knew was nothing when it started to matter.
Chapter 55
I hadn’t talked to Anwar in over two weeks. I had started to think our correspondence had petered out when I saw his name in my inbox. I was happy to talk to someone not involved in the drama of my life.
He was telling me about his civil engineering program. I didn’t even know what civil engineering was.
from: [email protected]
It’s like all the stuff everyone forgets—bridges, sewers, canals. It’s boring to most people but it’s important. It’s what keeps a city running, which excites me. And now we’re talking more about sustainable building and creating resilient communities, which is really big. My dream is to be part of the rebuilding efforts in Gaza but we rebuild it and then what? Now they are saying they wanted to displace Gazans completely and turn it into a vacation destination, it’s sick.
Also what happened to that student at Columbia, Mahmoud Khalil? So scary. I watched the video. I have friends who are applying to graduate school in the States, now they don’t know if they should go.
I didn’t want to sound alarmist but I told him the truth, which was that they were probably right to be afraid to come here.
He asked what I was studying. I was embarrassed to say creative writing, so I lied and said economics. But then he started asking specifics, and I gave in and confessed that I was a writer.
from: [email protected]
Why lie? I don’t understand
from: [email protected]
I’m embarrassed!!!!
from: [email protected]
hahaa am I missing something? Is it a cultural difference? I don’t see why this is bad, you writing books. Are books not respected in America or something?
I explained that America’s relationship with books was complicated. He started talking about English and having to learn it in school, how difficult it was.
from: [email protected]
You’re lucky that you were born knowing the language everyone else has to learn. English is strange.
Of course there’s Google Translate now.
