“No.”
“Bullshit.”
I gripped the counter’s edge until my palm burned. “It’s not bullshit. You’ve just been brainwashed.”
He laughed. “Brainwashed?” He walked toward me, setting his half-eaten apple on the counter to punctuate the drama. “Everyone wants to feel special. That’s why people get into relationships, to feel chosen. But to feel chosen you have to be the only one. It’s not special if everyone can have what you have.”
My throat pounded. I felt like a creature being hunted in the dark of night. “So, I’m not special to you because ‘everyone’ can have what you have?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Well, that’s sure what it fucking sounds like. American capitalism says that’s what makes something special but I’m not a commodity.”
Cupping his sack, he said, “I literally can’t have a conversation about capitalism right now, like, I’m not trying to be an asshole, I know you’re not a commodity, I just have the worst blue balls ever.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
“I didn’t know it was gonna turn into a whole thing or else I would’ve never said what I said. I obviously don’t want you to say things you don’t mean. It’s not like I need to hear it from you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
He laughed sarcastically, scooping his apple back up. He ate it, filling the silence with a wet, crunchy sound, and stared at the floor.
“How come you get to taunt me with you fucking Nia?”
“You’re the one that’s into it.”
“You must be into it on some level or else why are we even doing this?”
He didn’t respond.
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite, I can’t.”
He smiled joylessly. “A hypocrite?”
“Yeah, do you need me to spell it?”
His eyes burned a hole into me. “Okay, Ms. Nontraditional Relationship. You’re pretty fucking traditional when the check comes.”
“You insist on paying!”
“And I don’t mind!” he cried. “But c’mon, don’t act like you’re not traditional when it works for you.”
“Why are you even with me?” It was an honest question.
“Because I likeyou, I’m just not into this whole… I don’t necessarily agree with your, I dunno, your lifestyle. But you’re so much more than a relationship paradigm.” When I didn’t say anything, he said, “Are you not?”
My mom’s voice was close to my ear.I already know how this story ends, and it’s not the ending you want. “I have to go.” I couldn’t find my shoes fast enough, spinning around the room searching for them.
“Don’t leave like this.”
“I don’t feel like being insulted.”
Tossing his apple pit in the trash, he sounded genuinely perplexed when he said, “How did I insult you?”
“I’m tired of explaining.”
“Then don’t.”
