“Like, charisma.”
“Hm. I accidentally read your diary.”
I didn’t understand how you could accidentally read someone’s diary.
“I’m not going to lie, it was a liiiittle boring.”
“I didn’t know anyone would read it, so.”
She grinned. Her dimple looked like someone had dug their finger into one side of her face until the skin collapsed. “Who’s T and N?”
I rubbed my eyes. “No one.”
“Well, you know I know who J is.”
I didn’t say anything, praying she didn’t bring up the twenty pages I’d written tormenting myself over what to do about Jay. Paragraphs: debating myself, lacerating myself, praising myself, a Choose Your Own Adventure map involving several paths, two of which lead to my death, one ending in marriage, and another with me fucking off to Mexico City. In my chicken-scratch cursive, it must’ve read like a portrait of someone going insane.
Instead, she said, “When I was on Broadway, we were all sleeping together. This was before AIDS ruined it.” She frowned, looking off into the distance. “Are you protecting yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. Now, what’s this novel stuff?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“We’re artists in this family, you know. Before she got married and died, your mommy used to sing. We made hundreds of little musicals together. I haven’t heard her voice in years. What a shame.”
I knew my dad sang in his church choir as a teenager, but I never knew my mom sang.
“Would mom ever have an affair? I mean, like, cheat?” I asked. “That’s not like her, right?”
Aunt Lisa took a nail file from the cosmetic bag on the window ledge and began filing her toenails. On my bed. “Not like her? She’s done it before. Not with your father. Years ago.”
My stomach dropped. “When?”
“Oh, it must’ve been in college. She had this little high school boyfriend, you know how that goes. When she met the college boys…” She said, “You know, sweetpea, I always thought you were a lesbo.”
“Auntie!”
“I’m just happy to know I wasn’t wrong.” Pointing her file at me, “You weresomething.”
I stood, feigning a yawn. “Can you not tell my mom, please? About any of this?”
She hooked her pinky around mine. “I swear on my mother’s grave.”
Chapter 43
The shadow of a woman in giant curlers towered over me when I woke up that morning. “What’s this polygamy nonsense your aunt’s telling me about?”
My face sank into the crack in the couch. I stared down a black abyss of crumbs and hair ties.
“Catherine Elise, don’t you ignore me.”
I ignored her, marching upstairs to brush my teeth.
She followed me. “Does Jay know about this?”
I exhaled. “We’re on a break right now.” I regretted saying it immediately. Not only was it not the point, I already knew what my mom’s reaction—
