“It’s just not my thing.”
I watched him, incredulous, to see if he truly believed that, was truly this blind to himself. I didn’t point out how this clashed with his desire to keep seeing me.
But maybe it didn’t clash. Maybe these two ideas were so neatly compartmentalized in his mind they didn’t even touch.
“I spoke to Jay last night.” He saw my face. “Not about us. About you guys. He’s pretty upset.”
“Does he not want to be on a break anymore?” My stomach turned when Tristan went silent. “Just tell me what he said.”
“He was really just venting. I don’t wanna start anything.”
“But you did.”
“Well, I’m kinda in a fucked-up position.”
I snapped, “Sleeping with your friend’s girlfriend is a pretty fucked-up position. How’d that happen?”
There was no callousness in his voice when he asked, “Are you his girlfriend?”
“We didn’t break up. We’re on a break.”
“Does he know that?”
“What’s that mean?”
Tristan laughed, exasperated. “Fuck, I don’t know, why don’t you ask him if he’s your boyfriend.”
I didn’t say anything. Jay had been so diligent about checking in since the fires started that our relationship started to feel, if not normal, solid. Maybe I was only projecting my hopes onto him.
I watched Tristan compartmentalize in real time when he swooped down to bury his face in my neck. “You smell so fucking good.”
“I smell like a dumpster.”
“I wanna go dumpster diving.”
I laughed despite myself, despite my stomach still being in a knot. He seemed delighted by my laugh. “Are we really doing this?”
He slumped in his seat with a sigh. “We shouldn’t, right?”
When we turned to look at each other at the same time, I had my answer. He took my ponytail in his fist. Drawing my head back to expose my neck, he grazed it with his teeth.
“What are you? A vampire?”
“Yes.”
I brushed a thumb over his lip. “Are you gonna suck my blood?”
“As good as you taste, you haven’t even tasted me yet, remember?”
It was strange how making the same choice got both easier and harder. These feelings would only pile up, like shoveling a clump of dirt, then another, until I was staring into my grave.
But of course, I took him into my mouth like he was my final meal.
Chapter 39
My dad took me to Burger King so we could bond. This is what he said: “I’m taking you to Burger King so we can bond.”
I knew my mom was behind this. I suspected she wanted the house to herself so she wouldn’t have to speak so softly on the phone. She was on the phone all the time now, but I could never make out what she was saying or to whom. I had started going through her mail, which I knew was illegal, searching for more evidence of Sam. Nothing. Maybe there really was no Sam.
