But Kenya had never told her how the letters that liked to flip or dance within a word would also sometimes swim around. And the harder her heart beat in her chest, the more they moved. She couldn’t make them make sense as she stood there in the front, even in her favorite bright-pink leotard and light-blue denim overalls. Even with those three posters taped to the walls in the back of the room that teacher said were “moh-ti-vay-shuh-null,” which meant they were supposed to help you do what you thought you couldn’t. She just held on to the book so tight that when her teacher called her name, the place where her fingers touched the paper felt wet.
Oh, Mrs. Rashid must have been saying her name a lot by the look on her face. Kenya had looked around. Some of the kids had their faces covered or turned away. Some were laughing, whispering to each other, pointing at her. Mrs. Rashid said her name again, calling her to come back. Because she’d dropped that book on the floor like a hot potato and run out of the room.
Like she had just done tonight, only this time she ran from a room full of important people and Solomon’s family and not a room full of her fourth grade classmates.
28
SOLOMON STUPIDLYthought she’d just gone to the bathroom to compose herself, shake out some nerves. But when she didn’t come back after his sister read through a few more cards, he’d gone after her but couldn’t find her.
The reception continued, so he waited to see if he could find Robert Bluestone to salvage something for her, but he’d left early.
“Eh, what are you doing, Solomon?” His father leveled a stern look his way. “Of all the women you can choose, why be with someone who seems to have no education, no ambition?”
They were only adding insult to injury.
Solomon shook his head. “How could you meet her, talk to her, and think she has no drive? She is one of the most passionate people I know. Just because she doesn’t possess every degree known to man doesn’t mean what she does isn’t respectable. Ambition and education are not everything.”
His father scoffed. “But it is something. Something very important to us and our culture. Need we remind you all that we sacrificed to make sure you and your siblings had the best education money could buy? Especially you.”
No, of course there was no need to remind him. He felt the weight of their sacrifice every day, like a dumbbell on his heart.The responsibilities of the first son of Nigerian parents were never far from him. Even when those parents were successful, the expectations didn’t ease. They increased, the box around him only getting tighter.
“And what about your studies?” his mother chimed in. “Has she been helping you or hindering your progress? There is much to prepare for as we approach the end of this fiscal year.”
“It’s impossible to forget because you won’t let me!”
His mother leaned back, her gaze widening behind her glasses.
His father stood, his face pinched in warning, although his body seemed deflated. “Sit, son.”
Solomon looked down. When had he stood up? And like his family must be thinking, when had he gathered enough stupidity to talk to his parents like that?
He slumped into his chair, closing his eyes against the disappointment in their faces. He wished he could rewind the last two hours, or perhaps about two months, before he decided to blurt out that he had a girlfriend and bring Kenya along on this frustrating ride.
Muscles flexed and unflexed. He willed his breath to release until he could regain the words pulsing in his throat.
“Forgive me.” Resignation and breath mingled. He opened his eyes, averting his gaze. “You are right. I have something to finish. I have no time for foolishness like a relationship.”
“Solomon.” His father’s voice held command and a note that compelled him to want to turn, but it was time to make his exit, to gird himself for another day.
Because he couldn’t deal with the truth that it wasn’t about a relationship. They would have had him married off yesterday with five grandchildren bouncing across their knees if he was marrying a woman that checked all their boxes.
There was no protocol for someone who broke out of everyone’s expectations, and even his own.
He strode out of the room. He needed to find her. To comforther, especially if the stricken look that had crossed her face when she left was any indication. He needed to try to understand what had happened and reassure her. Or was it to reassure himself that the love he’d been feeling for her all this time wasn’t a fluke and that her flub of the cards was just a one-time mistake? She had just discovered some significant news about him. And as much as he was tempted to brush it off, it mattered.
Because if it didn’t, he wouldn’t have been so hesitant to tell her the full truth.
KENYA PRESSEDher fists against her eyes, her newly shaped nails biting into her hands. She pressed until the words banged incessantly in her head.Why can’t yousee,stupid? Why can’t you see like everyone else?Why are you so stupid?
“Kenya?” The drumming in her head had been so loud, she hadn’t heard Solomon’s soft approach. She sucked in a ragged breath, willing him not to be there, for this to be just a figment of her imagination, because didn’t the drumming have a certain Afro beat to it? The background music from the reception set the tone for her embarrassment. She allowed one fist to slide partway down her cheek.
Nope, no imagination here. Just shameful reality. If he didn’t think her stupid before, he must be sure she was now. He could add that to his medical diagnosis.
She stayed seated in the corner spot where he’d almost kissed her earlier.
“Go away.”
He stepped forward despite her words.
