“Dad,” I finish, my hands going still in the sink.
“Yeah.” He sets the pot down. “Some of my only memories of him are from the hospital, and he looked so sick, so weak. And then the next time I saw him ... he was gone.” He lifts one shoulder, eyes downcast. “I get scared to visit you because I’m afraid I’ll walk in the room and you’ll look like he did, and I’ll know I’m about to lose you too.”
I put my still-damp hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m healthy, and I have anamazing doctor who can help me if anythingdoesgo wrong. I’m going to be here for you ... for a long time.”
Cameron nods, and even though he’s four inches taller than I am and at least sixty pounds heavier (and can grow a full beard), in that moment, I realize how much of a little boy is still hiding inside this huge man who is my youngest brother.
We go back to the dishes, and a couple of seconds later, Cory comes into the kitchen and starts teasing Cameron about some girl he went out with last week, and the moment passes.
But when we all get ready to leave to our separate apartments and homes, Cameron gives me an extra long hug.
“Love you, Livarooni,” he says, quiet so Cory won’t hear.
“Love you too,” I say, squeezing him back.
As I’m driving home, though I try to block the memories, Cameron’s words make it impossible to keep those two weeks when Dad was in the hospital from rising. I remember climbing onto the bed next to him so we could look throughAuto Tradertogether and pick the car I was going to get in three years when I turned sixteen. He spent hours telling me how great Volvos are, how the Swedes make everything better. He kept promising he was going to be there to buy my first car with me. I think he meant it when he made that promise; he really thought he’d be there. He truly believed he’d get a miracle.
It wasn’t his fault the promise was broken.
I meant the promise I made to Cameron tonight too. I only hope I don’t break mine the way Dad broke his.
The bell over the bakery door jingles minutes after we open on Monday morning, and my heart skips a beat. I glance up from where I’m arranging stacks of Swedish pastries to see Lou sashay through the door in her dark-gray, knee-length bodycon dress and her trademark Louboutins. Her hair is slicked back into a high ponytail, and her bright-red lips are pursed into a smirk.
I wish I were someone who could look svelte in a slicked-back ponytail and red lipstick instead of like a semibald invalid with clown makeup on.
“Disappointed to see me?” she asks.
“Of course not!” I say, even though my stomach did plummet when I realized it was her and not a different Barrett coming to get treats for the office.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll find a reason to come over sometime today.”
“I’m happy to see you.Honestly,” I insist with a smile when she gives me a yeah-right, you-big-fat-liar look.
I set down the last few boxes of pastries I’m holding, then go hug her.
“I hurried so I could beat him here,” she admits. “I wanted to see you. You promised we’d talk yesterday, but then we didn’t.”
“That wasn’t entirely my fault. If I recall, you hung out with Dream-Boat-Banker Chris all day.”
“Well, yeah. But when I got back, you were gone.”
“I stopped by the hospital, and then it was Sunday family dinner ... remember?”
“Right. Which—by the way—I talked to your mom about your New Life Day party tomorrow, and she’s happy to let mehost it this year since you are both so busy with the bakery and taking turns at the hospital with Farmor.”
I glance at the screen of my phone to confirm tomorrow really is April 1 and grimace. “Do wehaveto have a party? It seems kind of wrong when Farmor is still in the ICU.”
“It’s tradition. And I already bought all the food. So, yes, we do. But we can keep it small if you’d like.”
“Small is good. What kind of food did you get?”
Lou clicks her way over to the shelves and grabs a few boxes of treats. “You’ll see. But don’t worry, you’re going to love it.” She sets the boxes on the counter, and I move behind it to ring them up for her as she hands me her credit card. “Now that we have that settled, dish. Tell me all about Saturday night!”
“Why don’t you tell me all about your day with Chris?” I counter.
“Chris is amazing. I think I’m totally falling for him. I want to invite him tomorrow but don’t want to make you upset since you want it to be small, and you haven’t met him yet, so not sure what to do about that. He told me he loves me yesterday. Okay, now tell me about Hunter!”
“Whoa, whoa,whoa—he told you helovesyou?” I gape at Lou.
