“I already told you, happy to help.” He looks back down at his computer.
“No, not for that. Well, also for that,” I amend. “But I’m actually thanking you for not saying yes to being friends or messy mates. You’re right not to. It’s better this way—foryou. I know you think you’re a mess, butI’mthe walking time bomb. Stay around too long and you’ll be caught in the blast zone when I detonate. So thank you.”
“Liv—that’s not—”
“I’m actually going to go to sleep now. Carry on with your work.”
This time, I roll away from him, and when I close my eyes, it’s with satisfaction, not remorse.
15.
Brilliant fuchsia Bougainvillea unfurls in cascades of color, spilling over sidewalks and fences, adorning the homes and shopping centers we pass with riotous color. I stare at them out the window, my arms crossed. The tense silence in the car is broken only by the sound of the turn signal as Hunter merges through traffic.
“This isnotnecessary,” I repeat for the tenth time, andhepatiently repeats what Dr. Thorup and my mom both told him thirty minutes ago when I woke up chilled, and he brought out the thermometer.
“You have a fever of 101.4 and body aches. Your doctor said you need to come in for blood work and other testing.”
“What Ineedis to be asleep right now so I can get better—and either go back to the hospital with Farmor or reopen the bakery. This is unnecessary.” I huff a frustrated sigh.
“You’ve made your opinion abundantly clear. But everyone else seems to think it’s pretty serious.” Hunter’s knuckles are white on the steering wheel, and he keeps glancing over at me.
I know they’re right, which is why I got in Hunter’s car at all, even though I’ve done nothing except whine about itsince. But Ihatewalking through those same doors I have so many times before and being forced to don a bleached-out gown and be hooked up to heart monitors and an IV and have my every breath and heartbeat accounted for.
I hate knowing how easily it could all be over for me. Especially right now, when I might miss my chance to say my final goodbye to Farmor.
No. Don’t even think that. She’s going to be fine. She’s going to wake up and be okay.
But deep down, I know with every passing day she remains in a coma, the chances of that diminish. Which is why, as Hunter pulls into one of the parking lots of the Mayo Clinic hospital in Phoenix, where my heart specialist practices, the back of my eyes burn. I blink furiously as Hunter turns into the closest parking spot he can get to the doors and twists to face me in his seat.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Is something hurting?”
I shake my head.
“Then what is it?”
“I hate the hospital,” I say. “I hate coming here. Every horrible moment in my life has taken place in a hospital.”
Hunter starts to reach for my hand, hesitates, then diverts, letting his drop into his lap again. “I hate the hospital too.Trustme, I understand.” His gaze is haunted, his eyes searching mine. “But they’re not all bad. Good things have happened there too. You’re alive because of the hospital, right? Focus on that, and keep the record going strong.”
I swallow hard, reaching deep within for the strength I need to make myself get out of the car and walk through those doors, not knowing when I’ll come back out again. Not knowing if I’ll have lost another member of my dwindlingfamily by then. Not knowing what will happen to our bakery with only my mom left to run it.
Anxiety spirals through my limbs; my legs tremble. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Your mom is on her way, and Talia and Lou are both trying to get off work early to come too. You have an entire team cheering for you, supporting you.”
“And you?” I don’t know why I ask it. I shouldn’t. But there’s no taking it back.
“What about me?”
“Areyoucheering for me?”
His eyes lock onto mine. When I shiver, it has nothing to do with my fever.
“Yes. I’m here with you for as long as you need me, Olivia,” he says at last, quietly.
Hope that is as painful as it is exquisite lurches through me. “Thank you.”
A familiar nurse, whose name tag reminds me that her name is Winny, helps Hunter take me to my usual room that they have waiting for me when we reach the cardiac unit. She doesn’t seem fazed by Hunter’s scars one bit. Maybe because she’s seen it all on this floor. Winny’s brown eyes are as warm as ever as she takes me past the nurses’ station and down the hall toward my familiar view of Camelback Mountain in the distance.
