Other than the visible tension in his own jaw, I wouldn’t have known he heard me.
Jack keeps pinching the bridge of his nose, his go-to when he’s stressed. And at one point, I see him pull out the migraine pills I spied in his apartment once upon a time. I feel a twinge of sympathy, but not enough to forgive his attitude toward his sister…or me.
We cross the bridge, and Jack expertly navigates the darting traffic to get us to our apartment building in good time. He parks us in a garage near our building, telling the attendant he’ll be back for the car in an hour. As we walk to the building, Jack finally speaks again.
“I need to know where they’re going. What time?”
“I’m not going to tell you.”
“Penny. Stop.”
“No,youstop.”
I run up the front steps and plug my key into the lock, then rush into the lobby. Jack follows.
“Anna is rebounding, and—”
“And what? Avery is a dick to swoop in?” I ignore that I warned Avery against doing exactly this, and I look over at him as he pulls alongside me, keeping pace with me on the stairs.
“I didn’t say that, but if the shoe fits.”
A vein is bouncing in my temple. We reach our landing. The door to my apartment is a few feet away. Home base. I need to get away from him. I fumble with my keys.
“Penny.”
I take a deep breath and turn to face him, looking up at his handsome face. My heart lurches. I just want him to say the right thing. To see it. To prove that he’s not someone who’ll wade into my issues and decide the water’s too hot. “I am Anna, Jack. A damaged, no-good-at-relationships adult who has had a well-meaning yet controlling relation try and run my life for me. Can’t you see that? If Anna and Avery are doomed, what about you and me? What’s the difference here?”
“The difference is me,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. I wait for more, but he just stands there and blinks at me, as if I shouldn’t need to hear any more than that to be satisfied.
“Oh. Wow. So I’m a fuckup, but you’ll… What? Step in for my mom? Fix me? White-knight the—”
His expression hardens. “My relationship with my sister is nothing like yours with your mom.”
“You’re not a control freak? Didn’t you tell me that you vacuum every fucking day as a form of control?”
“Jesus Christ, half the time I was doing it to interrupt your conversations with your mother. And the other half… My vacuuming is a coping mechanism. That’s completely different. I vacuum so that when I put the vacuum away, I don’t need to control anything.”
“And yet right now you’re trying to stop someone from doing what they want because it doesn’t jibe with how you think their life should go. Sounds pretty familiar. Sounds like my mother.”
He runs a hand through his hair, and his ability to hang on to his temper is enraging. God knows I’m letting go of mine. “Look, Penny. Avery seems like he has his shit together. Mature. Anna is— She’s not. It can’t last. You don’t know my sister—”
“Actually,” I say, my upset making my voice wobble, “it sounds like I know her real well. Can’t keep a relationship going for long. Unhealthy with guys. Too damaged to make her own choices, so she needs to have her life micromanaged. About to enter into anunbalanced relationship that can’t last.” My voice goes up alarmingly at the end.
“Penny—”
I’ve found my deal-breaker. I need to let him go. The decision to end a fledgling relationship has never stung this much, but it’s better now than later.
“Penny, I don’t need tocontrolanything here. But when things go south with Anna, I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces.”
It’s a testament to how much I am clinging to this that I find myself saying, “Technically, you don’t have to pick up the pieces at all! She’s an adult. And so are you. You don’t have to prove your worth by being useful to your family, Jack. Maybe it felt that way when you were younger, but you don’t have to fix things for others anymore. My mother—”
“I don’t have time to parse through your mommy baggage right now, but you’re not Anna, and I’m not your mother.” I make a scoffing sound, and he snaps, “For a start, I’m not a manipulative fucking mess.”
I rear back, eyes wide. I ignore the instant regret on his face.
“I’m sorr—”
“No, I’m sorry, Jack. This is over,” I say, the sharp stab in my chest nipping at my anger’s heels. I want to double over and howl. I want to demand he tell me over and over that I’m not Anna until I believe it myself. I want him to trust Anna to live her life so I can trust that he trusts me to do the same. I want him to take back everything, the past three hours, rewind until we’re back in that hotel room.
