ADDIE
I’m goingto throw up. In two minutes, I have to head to the locker room. Okay, the hallway outside the locker room. It’s night one of the NHL season.
As I pace, shallow breaths are all I can manage. Stopping in the middle of the room, I blow out a long breath and will my heart and my muscles to relax. This is absurd. I’m not even playing.
Still, thousands of eyes will be on me. The first female goalie coach in the NHL. A Langfield. Boston—hell, North America—is waiting to see if I have the chops or have been given a handout.
Regardless of what the talking heads say, not a goddamn thing has been handed to me in my entire life. I’ve worked hard and bled for every accomplishment, every win. Even Beckett’s affection. While he absolutely gave it freely, I never could fight the need to make him proud. Didn’t ever want him to regret all he’d given to us. Without him our lives would be very different. And despite knowing better, I’ve never been able to silence that little voice in my head. The one that often saidIf my own father didn’t want me, why would Beckett?There’s nothing in it for him.
Yet he’s never let me down. He’s theonlyman to never let me down. Okay, my uncles too. The Langfield family really is incredible. Not one of them has ever made me question their love for me.
I squeeze my eyes shut and suck in another deep breath.They didn’t give this to you. You did this all on your own. You deserve to be here.
Straightening my shoulders, I give myself one last look in the mirror, confirming that the red stain on my lips hasn’t bled onto my skin or my teeth. Then I adjust my Bolts blue suit and smooth back the flyaway or two that has escaped my low ponytail.
Then, head down and hands clenched at my sides, I head for the door.
I’m reaching for the handle when there’s a knock.
I inhale sharply, startled.Please, for the love of God, don’t let it be JJ.
He’s respected my wishes and given me space for the last sixteen-ish hours, and now is not the time to change that.
I open the door, and when I come face to face with Uncle Aiden, my stomach drops.
He’s wearing a blue suit as well, though his is a bit brighter. His brown eyes warm when he sets his sights on me, and he hums. “Big day, kiddo.”
Though affection runs through me, I roll my eyes. “Please don’t call me that in front of the press.”
Laughing, he points inside my office. “Can I come in for a second?”
“A second? Yeah. That’s about all we have.”
“I know. And I’ll be quick, promise.”He saunters in, his hands in his pockets.
I examine him, my pulse thumping with nerves. I know why he’s here, and I’d like to avoid getting into it, if possible. “Did you enjoy your dinner last night?”
He shuts the door behind him and leans against it. “The lobster mac and cheese was incredible. Did you have it?”
I shake my head, giving him an annoyed look. “Scott and I decided to grab a burger instead. When I pointed out the table of bodyguards, he paid for our drinks and took me to a dive bar. The food was great.”
Aiden smiles. “Good. I’m glad.”
What I don’t mention is how I forced a smile and made conversation, feeling like shit the entire time. Because I fucked another man while on a date with him. Who does that? I never would have believedI could be capable of that, and I don’t want to be that kind of person. It’s not sexy, it’s not kind. It’s just…awful.
“I know what you’re going to say,” I start. I can’t just stand here smiling and making fake conversation.
He arches a brow. “Do you?”
I nod, my jaw clamped shut. “He’s a player, and I’m his coach.”
His response is a simple shrug. “Yeah.”
“So, I’m aware of that and…nothing will happen between us.”
The smile he gives me is sympathetic. “Okay. Like I said last night, I know nothing.”
Relief washes over me. He’s letting me off the hook. And it’s true. Nothing is going on. JJ and I may have a past, and at one time I thought he might be my future, but that isn’t possible anymore. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we thought it would. Hell, for a long time I even thought I’d be on this team, not coaching it. But here I am. And this isn’t a bad alternative.
