“Yes please. I’m scared. I want you both.”
JJ eyes me, a pleading look on his face, like he actually believes I could say no to his little girl.
“Of course,” I say quickly, shuffling for the bed. When my knees bump the mattress, I inhale deeply.This isn’t a big deal. We’ve lain in a bed together plenty of times and nothing’s happened. And his daughter is here. This is about Avery.
The covers on the side closest to the wall are pulled down, but JJ pads to the other side.
“What are you doing? Isn’t this your pillow?” I say as I lay Avery in the middle of the bed. She curls up with her bear and turns to face JJ.
“I’ll sleep by the door. Ya know, in case someone breaks in.” He winks, then he pulls down the covers on that side and slides in.
My traitorous heart skips a beat. He remembers.
I try not to make a big deal of this moment.
So what if I’m getting into bed with a man I once loved? So what if he remembers that I’m a big baby when it comes to my sleeping arrangements and I always sleep farthest from the door? So what if his daughter is looking at me like I belong in their little world? With their little family.
This isn’t a big deal.
I climb into bed, and immediately, I know it’s a mistake. The spot is warm, the sheets creased, evidence that only moments ago, JJ was lying here. And the second my head hits his pillow, I wish I could go back in time thirty seconds. He’s everywhere. I can’t even close my eyes to avoid him because his scent clings to the bedding, and it’s heavenly.
“Can you hold me?” Avery sniffles.
JJ drapes an arm over her, ready to pull her close, but she throws out a hand and shakes her head. “Addie.”
He lets out a huff, and I can’t be sure in the dark, but I think he rolls his eyes.
Holding in a little laugh, I place my hand on her back, rubbing gently.
“I love you, Addie,” Avery says. “Love you, Daddy. Good night.”
JJ’s eyes fall shut, a look that’s half pain, half affection on his face. Like it physically breaks him when his daughter is that sweet.
It does the same to me.
He leans forward and pushes her hair back, stroking gently. “I love you too, Avey girl.” He presses a kiss to her forehead and snuggles a little closer, stroking her hair. The third or fourth time he does it, I’m moving my hand up as he’s moving his down, and when our fingers accidentally brush against one another, I suck in a breath.
Over Avery’s head, he stares at me. Then he twists his pinky around my own.
My heart beats like a drum, warning me that this is a terrible idea. But I don’t look away. Even when Avery’s breaths even out and my eyes start to droop.
And when I wake up, the sun not yet peeking over the horizon, Avery is snuggled between us and he’s still holding my hand.
I pull away, flexing my fingers to get blood flowing again. But I don’t think that’s what’s caused the tingling.
Tossing the covers off, I suck in a shaky breath.
I can’t do this with him. No matter how much I want to, I can’t play house. I’m not Avery’s mother and I’m not JJ’s wife.
With those words replaying like a mantra in my mind, I rush out of the bedroom and snag my phone from the charger on my nightstand.
Then I type out a quick message to Savannah.
Me: Fine. I’ll be your New Romantics girl. Just tell me what to do.
NINETEEN
ADDIE
